It might sound cliche by saying this, but I truly am better off without you. To be honest, I never realized how toxic our "friendship" was until this point and I am able to see how much energy, time and heart it took out of me. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, almost like I can breathe again and start new.

When I was your friend, my whole world revolved around you. It was always what you wanted to do, how you felt, what was happening with you, it truly was always about you. I now understand how severely unhealthy that was and I'm not blaming you totally, because I know I let it get that bad in the first place, but I'm moving on to a better place in my life, one that won't hold me back from achieving my goals.

Yes, I have goals and passions even if you never believed I did and judged me because I didn't have it figured out right away. I've learned that there is more to life than you, there is a whole world I have to explore and personally I know I'm better doing that without you holding me back. I have a passion for kids, I love seeing there personalities and minds grow while they learn to explore the world. I want to be a part of that whether my path involves teaching or counseling, I haven't yet decided, but I know I want to help people. I can now see that more clearly then ever because you aren't there breathing down my neck or pressuring me just because you wanted me to find a passion like you already had.

People are different and just because I'm not like you doesn't mean I'm any less capable of making a positive impact in the world. I'm not saying I'm perfect because I know I'm far from it, I've made mistakes in our friendship, I've hurt you in ways I shouldn't of, I said things I didn't mean and I take the blame for that on my part, and I'm not going to excuse it with a "but" or anything else because it is what it is.

I do believe that it should not excuse you from how you treated me and how you made me feel the whole time we were friends. You always made me feel like I wasn't good enough or would brag about things you had and I didn’t. Because you were so materialistic about things I started to notice I became that way too and that’s not how I’ve ever been and I refuse to start now. I never felt good enough around you and now that I can see that distinctly, I refuse to let how you treated me be the reason I don't respect or love myself. I shouldn't of depended on you in the first place, I shouldn't of let you be the reason I didn't see my self worth, but that's okay because you live and you learn and that's exactly what I'm doing.

There are always different sides to a story, but in this case there were two. I personally didn't want to write this letter because you are the last person I want to think about, but you were a huge part of my life for so long that I have no choice but to think about our friendship and to talk about how it made me feel. In the end, you did me wrong, you did me dirty, took advantage of my heart and narcissistically played my mind. The fact that you ever called me your best friend makes me so angry because I genuinely feel like you used me and never wanted me to be happy in the first place because of your own insecurities.

I'm not going to say we didn't have good times because we did, but as the bad ones began to fade and overcome the good, I've seen that you're negative image of self started to rub off on me. I never hated who I was, the way I looked or how I began to act as badly as I did when I became friends with you and because of that I have no respect for you.

Youre an example of someone who likes to leave or ignore when things get tough which showed your true colors and made me realize you didn't care about me unless you were involved 24/7. When I needed you, you still some how managed to make it about yourself and how you felt or blamed me and told me that you were sick and tired of being "an excuse for my depression" which now that I look at it makes no sense. I never used my depression as an excuse it was just something you didn't understand or didn't care to understand. I have tried my best to get through, but you held me back, you didn't help me and you didn't support me, if anything you caused me to be stuck in a place I was trying so hard to get out of, but that's okay because now I can continue to grow and dig myself out of the hole I started to dig when I became your friend.

I refuse to let you tell your story and make it look like I was the only one to blame for the end of our relationship because it takes two to make something work and it took two to make something end. Yes, I made my decision to not be your friend anymore because I truly believe it was best for both of us, I didn't do it to be mean or to just get back at you, I did it because I care about you and even though you don't believe that, I always will and always have because you were at one point my best friend. It was your choice to be angry about it and end on a bad note and I'm not going to let you stomp all over me, I will defend myself.

Moving on and letting go of something and someone that brought negative and toxic vibes into my life is something I need to do for myself and not one that I want to hold on to, and definitely not something I want to be affiliated with.

Speaking of affiliation, the whole time we were friends you always cared about what other people thought and that affected our friendship because you were always to paranoid or worried about not fitting in or being popular that our friendship was just an act to you, it was just a show you were putting on, but I can honestly say it was never that way for me. I was at one point proud to be your friend, but situations change and obviously so do people. I want to make sure I say that just because I wasn't like you, didn't do the things you did or have plans to do things you were going to do didn't make me any less of a person, it made me, me and I'm not going to apologize for being myself, but I will apologize for the fact that you never understood me or who I truly was.

At one point I was extremely angry at you for manipulating me, but that's what you want so, now that I'm actually happier on my own I want you to know that to. You are now someone who was in my life not someone who is or ever will be. Yes, we had talk about dreams of a future together, even talking about our kids growing up together, but now I can honestly never see that happening. You took a part of me I can't get back, but I'm not going to let that break me, it's going to make me a stronger and more compassionate person.

I should've listened to people when they said that our friendship was toxic or that you weren't good for me because they were right, but I didn't see that until now. I didn't write this to bash you as a friend or to make you look bad, I wrote it because I needed to let go of something that had negatively impacted me for so long.

I'm letting go, I'm moving on, and I'm going to live my best life, even if that means your not in it. I still wish you the best in life and wish you nothing but happiness, because no matter what, everyone deserves to be happy. As for myself, I can truly say that I'm happier than I've been in a long time and from this moment on I won't let anyone control me or have a hold on me the way you did.

Goodbye,

-Marissa