We hold these truths to be self-evident that most girls are treated like shit. Even more so, most girls are treated like shit at some point or another by their significant others. This is not okay. Due to continuous pressures from the day we are born, the instinctual reaction is often to look the other way, rationalize the behavior, or at worst, blame ourselves. It’s understandable, after all, as we are taught from day one to value others’ feelings above our own. Combine that trained empathy with the pressures placed on most women to be in a relationship no matter what, and you have a recipe for putting up with some seriously asshole-ish behavior.

I’m not talking about petty or absent-minded things that we all do, humans are flawed after all. I’m talking about repeated and hurtful behaviors that for whatever reasons remain un-called out or challenged. In response to this, here is a list of your rights in a relationship. If these (very basic, I might add) needs aren’t getting met, it may be worth sitting down and thinking about.

1)You have the right to respect.

This one should be a no-brainer. If your significant other constantly shuts down your ideas, doesn’t value your presence, or doesn’t see you as an equal participant in the relationship, something is very wrong.

2)You have the right to validation.

Your partner does not have to agree with everything you do. However, regardless, it is still their responsibility to support you making your own choices for your life. You deserve to feel heard and validated for your autonomy in conversation, no matter how different your views are. It is possible, and necessary, to both disagree while at the same time maintaining the validity of both positions.

3)You have the right to be taken seriously

If your partner infantilizes you, sees you as incapable of reaching your goals, or simply doesn’t give weight to the things you say, it’s destructive to the relationship, and most importantly to your own sense of self. You deserve to feel as though your partner is in your corner, and your biggest supporter, at all times. You deserve to be seen as a capable equal, and someone with your own life and values, which are all incredibly important.

4)You have the right to affection. And not to be ashamed of your need for it.

Affection, whether it be physical or verbal, is an important part of a romantic relationship. It isn’t weak or silly to need assurances from your partner that they still find you desirable and/or lovable. “Good touch” is imperative for building trust and intimacy, and you deserve to have those needs met without feeling belittled. The same goes for sensitivity and tenderness in the way they speak to you. You have the right to kind words and caring touches, and there is nothing wrong with that.

5)You have the right to have your time valued

If your partner is wasting your time while you’re together, constantly cancels plans, is continually late, or isn’t considerate of the time you make to spend with them, it is the sign of something bigger. It comes down to respect again. I’m not talking about occasional absent-mindedness, I’m talking about consistent lack of awareness that you value time with them. You’re busy! Your time is important! If you make the effort to carve out time with them and they don’t value that, it’s a problem.

6)You have the right to feel amazing in their eyes

You made a commitment to stay monogamous to this person (if you’re into that sort of thing.) Thus, they are generally your only source of romantic validation. Therefore, you have the right to feel as though you are the hottest thing since sliced bread to them. You deserve to be called lovely, amazing, and beautiful. You deserve to be reminded why they love you and why they don’t want anyone else. You deserve to have your hand held and your hair stroked. Again, this doesn’t have to be a constant thing, nobody is perfect. But if you are constantly feeling insecure and don’t know what their feelings are for you, then you are not in a healthy place.

7)You have the right to honesty.

This one goes both ways. You deserve honesty on your partner’s part, first of all. In order for the relationship to flourish, they need to be honest about what they need and how they’re feeling. There is no space in a mature relationship for “I’m fine.” I’m sorry, but if you are your partner cannot express your issues in a direct way, there is no way to fix the issue. Leading to the second part of this, you have the right to feel secure enough to be honest with your partner. If you find yourself hiding things because you are afraid of how they will react, and feel as though expressing your emotions will lead to bad consequences for you, then it is an emotionally unsafe environment that needs to be rectified immediately.

8)You have the right to set limits.

If there are certain things that your partner says or does that make you uncomfortable, you should be able to say so and they stop the behavior. Your feelings should be more important to them than their desire to say a certain word, or tell a certain joke, or perform a certain sex act. You have the right to say how far you are willing to go, what kinds of language you need used in order to make you feel comfortable, and how you want to be treated in general. If your partner does not respect your limits, it means that they do not respect you. Period.

9)You have the right to your own life outside of the relationship.

You were an entirely whole person before you came into the relationship, and trust me when I say you do retain that status. You have a family, you have friends, you have interests and hobbies and joys and hang-ups and goals and projects and etc. etc. You have the right to continue having all those things! As a matter of fact, that’s what should help make your relationship even more amazing! Your partner should LOVE those parts about you, should be interested in your life and ask you questions and want to hear about the things you are doing on your own. If they want you to tone down those parts of yourself, or seem like they don’t care about your life outside the context of your relationship, then that’s a red flag.

10)You have the right to be a priority.

No, I am not advocating each of you drop every single responsibility you have and spend 24/7 completely wrapped up in each other. As I said in the previous point, both of you have the rights to your own lives outside of the relationship, and that is a good thing. However, if you get the feeling that your partner is interested in literally everything except you, that is an issue. When you made the commitment to be in that relationship, that should have been with the understanding that your well-being is placed at least in daily consideration. If you feel like an option to them while you’re making them a priority, something needs to change. Immediately.

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When you’re in a relationship, you don’t go in wanting to demand things. It’s hard, especially when you’ve been socialized to be “easy-going” and “laid-back,” to think about your own needs and flat out ask for them to be met. It kills me every time I see someone who is obviously not happy continue to maintain a relationship status-quo that demeans and disrespects them. You, yes you, deserve respect and consideration at ALL TIMES in your relationship. You should be able to say OUT LOUD when your needs aren’t being met, and have action taken immediately to rectify the situation. It’s hard, and stressful, but necessary. Print these rights out, tape them on your wall, and remind yourself that you are worthy of all of these things and more.