Females are portrayed in media as being catty, competitive, and just downright cruel when it comes to being friends with other girls. Shows like The Bachelor pits girls against each other for the love and affection of a man. If you see any show show titled The Real Housewives of _____, you’re probably going to witness some overly dramatic fights and cruel put downs. In fact, most TV reality shows include a whole lot of women fighting with other women.

Of course there are TV shows that emphasis a value on strong female friendships: Parks and Recreation, Grey’s Anatomy, Friends, New Girl. These shows represent women who have each others backs no matter what, who don’t tear each other down, and who are supportive of each other’s life choices. You’re probably thinking, “I mean yeah, that’s nice, but why does this matter?”

It matters because if we keep the catty girl relationships present on television, people are going to continue to perpetrate this stereotype of women. Strong female friendships encourage female empowerment. Society already tears us down, tries to conform us, and makes incredibly unrealistic or contradictory expectations for us. If we’re making progress for rights and the breakdown of stereotypes ‘standing apart,’ think about how much more we would progress if all women stood together.

It’s difficult to try and break down the internalized ways we are unfriendly to girls. Often, you’ll hear conversation about a girl being a slut or a girl being body shamed from other girls. Like I said before, (and mentioned in a previous article) forming body positivity is a struggle. We should be complementing each other and encouraging other women to embrace their bodies. We should try to focus on boosting each other up. Women should be pushing each other to break the glass ceiling, excel in their careers, and to live their life how they choose.

I love my girls. They are always so incredibly supportive, even if they don’t fully agree with my choices sometimes. We make sure that we are understanding. We are always pushing each other to love our bodies, to be mindful of tearing down other girls, and to be more ‘female friendly’. We are always encouraging each other to try new things and to grow. This summer I read Amy Poehler’s Yes Please! where she shares the catchy phrase, “good for her, not for me” (a book which I highly recommend by the way). What that means is that you should be celebrating and appreciating other women’s differences of lifestyle choices, even if they may not be something that you would do.

What made me realize how cruel we can be to other girls was an experience I had with an acquaintance named Becca (pseudonym). Becca was telling me about a breakup she had with Steve (also a pseudonym). Becca and Steve dated for roughly five months and had been broken up for equally as long. Steve had recently started seeing this new girl, we’ll call her Lucy. Becca and her friends were looking at Facebook and Instagram, tearing Lucy down. “She’s got a funny nose.” “Her eyes are too far apart.” “Does she even know what tweezers are?” “Look at her in that bathing suit. Cover up those rolls, or cut back on them or something.” I couldn’t believe my ears. They were just tearing Lucy down to boost Becky up.

I didn’t say anything at the time. I kept to myself about the situation in fear that I would be criticized too. The conversation stuck with me the entire day. After that, I started noticing more and more situations where females would tear other females down. This is when I decided to start fight back the stigma about negative female friendships.

I should’ve said something to the girls when they were picking on Lucy. If I could go back, I would tell Becca that it wasn’t very nice to say those things about Lucy. She may be upset about Steve’s new relationship, but that doesn’t mean she has the right to be so cruel to Lucy. There are other ways of coping with heartbreak. Next time you find yourself in a situation where females are being torn down, always stand up for them. It’s time that we start empowering each other to fight the stereotypes and overall live in a more supportive society.

You go, girls!