When winter break rolled around, I kept feeling this odd, lonely sensation surrounding me. I didn't feel like anyone back in my college circle cared about my wellbeing. I was falling pretty deep into my depression and it was getting to a point where I felt like I had my head just barely above water. I knew there was a part of me that felt lost so I set out to find that missing piece within myself.
One day, my parents and I went to our regular church and the message seemed so catered to me that I ended up sobbing during it. Our pastor talked about the effects life has on us when we don't fill that missing piece of us with God. If we don't fill our hearts with God, we will never feel complete in our lives. That's how many people get into the world of drugs, casual sex, and alcohol so easily anymore because they are trying to fill a void inside of them with temporary pleasures rather than the lifelong lasting love of God. Not to get all "preachy" on you but it's true.
This day and age, we tend to give into the materialistic pleasures life has to offer, but those only fill us for a short amount of time before we start to feel that void sinking in all over again inside of us. When we fill ourselves with something more meaningful, we stop looking for those ordinary pleasures because we have something extraordinary to fulfill us instead.
When I heard all of this, as I mentioned before, I was sobbing. I felt like God was speaking directly to me in my time of need and I took it all to heart. That day on for the next month, I decided to cut off most of my social media accounts (some I had to keep for school reasons only, didn't use them for recreational use) and said goodbye to my phone in hopes of pursuing the love God has for me within myself.
Reflecting on that decision over a month later, I have never been more proud of myself for making such a bold decision. This is the first time in my life I have really started to advocate for my own needs and let myself be happy without the help of someone else being by my side. I finally feel free enough to say what's on my mind, speak the truth about what my life has been like without fear, and above all, I finally feel whole again in my life. I finally feel like I am my own person and that no one can ever take that away from me. I don't feel like I need any sort of temporary pleasures to fulfill me like most college students do because I have something greater inside of me, eternal, everlasting love.
If you're ever in a spot of your life where you feel lost or inadequate, remember, fulfill yourself with something meaningful, not something temporary. :)
