Solitude. Feeling consumingly alone, when surrounded by people. Busy as a bee, seven days a week; kept moving and socializing by means of survival: to reach success and to get the most out of your college experience. “Hi Grandma, yes I am doing well…I love it here, I really do.”
Welcome, college freshman; specifically those of you dorm-ing. I’m about to delve into your conscience and define those jumbled, knotted up thoughts that are, on some level, eating away at you.
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Joining everything with spots available, laughing until you lose your voice, eating your way towards that freshman fifteen, then walking it off. Its rolling into class in sweats, smoothie in hand; waking up, stumbling into the bathroom and catching a look at your hair thats been in a bun for two days straight and having bloodshot eyes from pulling all nighters (be honest, you were on Netflix till 4am not chipping away at your heavy workload).
This sense of strandedness does not come from being stuck at a standstill, but perhaps wanting to be. It feels as if we are an object that has been dropped into a whirlpool of every possible activity, venture, and skill set. Personally, I have wanted for the duration of my life, to return to Long Island; where I felt my roots were reeling me back. Anticipating college move-in, I was eager for my homecoming and simply dazed that I would be remaining in the place I had missed. The little detail that went without immediate realization is that campus, in and of itself, was not the entirety of Long Island and that I would be spending about ninety five percent of my time locked within this little community. Now for the first time in my life, I am in a predicament; wanting to go home. For so long my “home” was in reference to Long Island…but I find myself missing the crisp air, deep red and burnt orange tree tops, cider donuts, apple picking…I could go on and on. So here I stand, metaphorically stranded.
I have plenty of opportunities to go home with my friend, take a trip to the beach, or go off-roading with my uncle…that isn’t the issue. I am not physically stuck. Does it take more effort to leave campus then it did when I lived at home? Sure it does, but that also isn't the point. I am referencing an internal struggle, the feeling of falling into complacency, loss of desire within yourself and a homesickness. These things, when witnessed by society are immediately attacked like a nasty virus and eliminated. But that is not a solution, in fact, occasional expression of confusion or unexplainable restlessness is healthy expression and should be explored. Otherwise, the feelings are just pushed to the back of your mind, buried under new challenges and more work with ever impending deadlines. The original issue is never analyzed and let to wander to it’s final destination; the last stop on the train. This is the place where the purpose, intention, and reason behind your feeling trapped, stranded and lost, can find it’s way.
The beauty of being in this place in time is the possibility it leaves you with. Think of it as a gift, really. Acknowledge it and explore what is has to offer. If you feel overwhelmed and like you are joining too many clubs, drop those you wouldn’t miss. If you know that you won’t feel better until you go home, go home. This is supposed to be the best time of your life, so follow all paths and never stop fighting. You know what happens to people stranded in the middle of the ocean? They get eaten by sharks. Don’t be dinner, be the shark; sink or swim baby.
