Suicide. Straight to the point. That's exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to get straight to the point. I was at a point in life where I just wanted to give up everything. It just felt like everything was going wrong.
Physically, emotionally, mentally and anything else you can name was wrong. I didn't know how to express it but with the words "I can't do this (life) anymore". I never talked to my family about it because they would tell me to "Get over it" because to them; things can't be "that bad."
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But they would never understand. I would tell my friends and they would panic. I would hear the pain in their voice that I caused because I didn't want to be here with them anymore. But, it wasn't that I didn't want to be here with them.
I would've loved to be happy and enjoy every moment of life with them but happiness was not in me. I didn't know what being happy was or where to find it. I didn't even know if it was was something you could find. Happiness was an illusion to me. Nobody knew how I was feeling. Well at least that's what I thought.
Nobody knew how I was really feeling inside, no matter how much I expressed it to them. It was always that one person that said "Everything's going to be okay". Those are liars. How would they know everything was going to be okay? Did they go to sleep every night hoping they wouldn't wake up? Did they cry everyday hoping the tears would drain their body?
No. I don't think they did. What caused me to feel like this? Hell if I tell you that, you'll be reading until next week. I say all of this to say, it's not the end. The liars weren't really liars they were Angels. People sent to me to let me know that I'm here for a reason even if I don't know what that reason is yet.
If you're reading this and going through what I went through, STAY STRONG. I believe in you. You are important. Don't give up. I didn't. I'M STILL HERE.
