A topic which has started to come up more frequently has been the use of gay bars and clubs as safe spaces, and whether they should be inclusive to those outside of the LGBTQA community.

First of all, I want to throw out the idea of a gay cafe, which comes from a Tumblr post somewhere and not my imagination, but I think that it’s brilliant because sometimes people want to be gay without putting that much effort into getting ready to go out and socialize with people. Some people have a harder time socializing than others, but they should still have a place to go and be their queer selves. It would also provide teenagers (or even pre-teens) a place where they can go and socialize and engage in queer culture without feeling out of place or having to have a fake ID. So if anybody is looking for a great new LGBTQA business idea, there you go.

Anyway, back to the point. I think that having a place specifically for people in the queer community is important. It creates more of a safe space and allows a generally marginalized group of people to feel free to be whomever it is they want to be. Gay bars have also been used by women as a place where they can go and not get hit on by guys, which I honestly feel is a little problematic. First of all, women shouldn’t have to go to a gay bar just to feel safe around men. It’s ridiculous that that’s the only way some women can go out with friends comfortably. It’s also hard for queer ladies, because when there are straight women in a space where you’d like to be able to assume that most people are queer. LGBTQA people don’t often get the benefit of being able to assume that the person they’re interested would be interested in them, as most straight people do. LGBTQ spaces create environments where people shouldn’t have to guess whether the people around them are actually queer or not. If you don’t identify as LGBTQA, recognize that this space isn’t catered for you.

Gay culture has become “trendy” recently. You hear jokes about how someone “will never be cool because they’re not queer,” and people asking questions not out of curiosity, but with intent to emulate. Because of this, it starts to feel as though people want to join these spaces for the sake of following popular culture. Nobody likes feeling observed, but even the most queer-friendly people can make it feel as though that’s what’s happening. Being in queer spaces can also make people feel more liberated, which includes non-LGBTQA people. Things like “if you were straight I would hook up with you” is often uncomfortable. It feels as though your sexuality is only barely being recognized, and again, the whole “being observed” thing doesn’t feel good.

That said, there are benefits to having an open community. First, it allows closeted people to engage in queer culture at their own pace. It means that you can go to a gay club and be around like-minded people and in an environment which feels safe, but the act of being there doesn’t out anyone. I also feel that it helps to normalize queer culture to some extent and make it more accessible to those who aren’t actively engaged in it. It would be impossible to regulate any form of policy as to who’s “allowed” there, and I think that that would further divide the queer community from the rest of the world. It’s just a matter of understanding that we all need safe spaces, and when people join and are disrespectful (e.g., straight dudes freaking out when they’re hit on by other guys), it’s hard to continue to feel super welcoming.