*This article is a generalization with the intention to serve as humor, and also for its author to score a couple phone numbers from her male readers. Anyone who comments anything even close to “not all men” will be publicly ridiculed and given a vomit-inducing wedgie.*

Whoever thought it was a good idea to throw a bunch of young adults together during their sexual prime and call it “tertiary education” was either high as a kite or should be celebrated as Lord Sex Mascot for all time. Universities worldwide have served as Petri dishes for STDs and walks-of-shame since before any of you were born, and while hook-up culture has been embraced and herpes hardly ain’t no thang', we are now witnessing other changes on the rise.

The new environment colleges offer coupled with the questionable lack of nutrition in dining hall food has demonstrated a severe social effect among men.

WARNING: High school boys are not to be confused with college men. Any accusation that these men are the same as their younger counterparts could result in high levels of aggression and a foreign clear liquid to be discharged from their eyes. You might want to avoid that kind of drama.

My high school experience was filled with awkward boys still trying to overcome their balls dropping and 1,000 Splendid Pimples. They sidled up to cute girls in the hallways, earning the title of “Good Listener” simply because they were terrified of letting their voice crack and because they were too busy trying to discreetly get a whiff of perfume. These boys usually ended up smack dab in the middle of the alleged “Friend Zone,” which is a myth I could spend a lifetime debunking. Anyway, while these boys were genuinely grateful for the feminine company, over time they became more and more resentful of the female species, wondering, often loudly and incoherently, "Why don’t girls like me? I’m such a nice guy and I’ve always been here for her, unlike that dirtbag, Kyle."

By the time these guys get into university, the mindset has changed completely. "What do we want? Girls in our beds! When do we want it? Almost constantly, unless there’s beer pong, in which case I’ll have to rearrange my schedule!"

The “chill” façade college guys are going for usually includes six “girls-I-hooked-up-with-once” and two “yeah-she’s-really-cool” playing cards to throw for whichever is most convenient. They have become zombies to a social status quo that insists that men are emotionless and unavailable lest they wish to be whipped by an evil man-eating woman.

Girls and boys: the verdict is in, and Zac Efron wants you to know that “you deserve better than this.” Hate to break it to you, but there are no competitions for emotional detachment or most overwhelming displays of heterosexuality, and we can all get through this together. #StopStraightBoys2k15? More like #SupportThem.