Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin in writing this. I suppose I could begin with this fall, back when I was feeling very low, desperate for change, and in need of adventure. This fall was when I began to realize that there really is more out there, and I desired only to see it all. This, I felt, was my year to discover more of myself, and decide who I really want to be. To signify this radical change of thought, I chopped off a significant amount of my hair, thinking that if that was easy, it would be easy to find myself. Unsurprisingly, this was maybe a bit of hopeful thinking, and I would not say that this process has been easy or that this process is even over yet. Really, I’ve just begun, and I believe that finding myself will be a somewhat of a lifelong quest, and I will always be changing and adapting. This fall, I got into a nasty habit of letting my life rule me. I did what was expected of me, but I wasn’t truly enjoying anything, or even really living. I went to my classes, I did my homework, I went to intramural volleyball, I spent time with friends, I got excited to go home and see my family. Amongst these activities though, I felt like something was always wrong. I had a nagging feeling that there was something more for me to be doing, that I, just a girl from a small town in Wisconsin, should be changing something or making a difference somewhere. I read a quote online that stated, “I had a professor who said 'you all have a little bit of I want to save the world in you, that's why you're here, in college. I want you to know that it's okay if you only save one person, and it's okay if that person is you'.” At the moment, I had sort of a paradigm shift, where I thought, that is exactly it; I had been needing all along to save myself. From that moment on, I consumed all of my thoughts and actions to focus towards a study abroad program, and I fought for it. Financially and timing wise, I could just never find a program that fit, and I was feeling frustrated and sad quite frequently. I felt like I was so close to what I needed, it was almost within my grasp, and just like that, I couldn’t go anymore. I had all but given up hope, when the perfect opportunity presented itself out of thin air. Through a class at school, I had somewhat surprisingly elected to go on a camping trip, where I knew absolutely no one. Normally, this isn’t something I would even debate; why would I spend a whole weekend with people I don’t know when I have endless friends and family that I need to see? As the trip got closer, I felt more and more dread about it, convincing myself that it would not even remotely be enjoyable. Nevertheless, I went, and sort of immediately connected with one of the leaders, a guy from Australia named Tyler. We got to talking quite a bit that weekend, and he talked about how excited he was to help with the study abroad program in New Zealand and Australia for RTTR majors (Recreation Tourism and Therapeutic Recreation) and business majors. As he talked more about the trip, he asked me why I wasn’t going, as I am a double major of Therapeutic Recreation and Business Administration. When he asked me that, I just looked at him and said I actually don’t know. After returning home from camping, I got out my laptop, looked more into the trip, and decided I was going. Within a few weeks, I was all signed up and ready to go.

The trip itself was so much more than I could've ever expected. (Definitely will have to write another article about all of that). For now, I would like to focus on one moment where I really came to appreciate what I had been through and where I was at.

“I’m bad (or, rather, lazy) at researching a place before I travel, tending just to show up and see what happens. When you travel this way, what typically “happens” is that you end up spending a lot of time standing in the middle of a train station feeling confused, or dropping way too much money on hotels because you don’t know better.” (Eat, Pray, Love) Okay, hold up. I’m not going to say that this was fate, but in my mind, this will never be just a coincidence. Today, I had one of the most overwhelming and completely alone feeling moments of my life. I had just said goodbye to my group, and I was off to start my own adventure, an experience completely and totally new to me. I successfully boarded my own train, and with the help of a fellow kind passenger, got off at the right stop. I was feeling very collected and confident, and pretty proud of how I had done on my own so far. I google maps’ed my hostel, and took off in the direction I thought it was, three heavy luggage bags (without wheels, ugh) in tow. After walking for about five minutes, I felt like I wasn’t recognizing anything, and noticing I didn’t have wifi anymore, realized I would have to ask someone for directions. Thankfully, two kindly looking police officers happened to be walking by, and I asked them for help with directions. They informed me that I had actually walked in the exact opposite direction of the hostel, and I would have to completely retrace my steps and start over. I walked back to the train station, and decided I needed to reassess how I was getting to the hostel, as my bags felt as heavy as I imagine I feel at this point. I stopped at the station, and set to work trying to figure out how to get there. I tried for a while to set up an uber ride, but realized that couldn’t work as I had to have an access code texted to my cellphone and I had no international plan. I tried to set up a few taxi rides, but this too failed as I had to have an Australian number to even get ahold of anyone. Quicker than I would like to admit, I had a deep set panic start to set in. I knew no one here, I had no way of really contacting anyone, and I was in a big city that I didn’t even think to really look up direction wise. At this point, I had a bit of a melt down in the train station. I felt doomed, and like I should just hop right back on the train and demand to be let on the plane that all of my friends were flying home on. After a few minute (probably actually an hour) freakout, I decided I really only had two options. I could probably figure out a way to get back to the airport, change my flight, and call it quits, or, I could suck it up and at least start heading in the direction of the hostel. I decided that this would not be my end, hefted up my bags, and started walking towards my hostel. This isn’t a story about how then, because I was enlightened, it was actually a really easy and enjoyable little stroll. It was an awful walk where I cursed practically living under the sun. I stopped approximately eighty-four times, trying to catch my breath and readjust my bags to stop tearing skin off my shoulders. Finally, what felt like ages later, I arrived at the hostel, with a significant amount of skin torn off my shoulders, and what was a light gray shirt now dark gray, completely soaked through with sweat. I made it. I spoke with the front desk, and situated myself up in their common room, with about two hours to spare until I could check in. Naturally, I started reading. I had recently invested in the purchase of the book Eat, Pray, Love which I had been dying for years to read. I found myself reading, getting very into the book, when I stumbled into the aforementioned quote. I had to laugh out loud at her analogy of standing very confused in the middle of a train station, because that was literally me approximately two hours earlier, and now, here I am, reading a good book while I have a beautiful view. While maybe a rather trivial challenge in the grand scheme of this trip, I felt like my little journey today was justified, and there was someone else out there in this world who understood. I feel so lucky to have been given this opportunity, these months on my own, the adventure of a lifetime, which will be so full of challenges and pleasures that will take me years to understand. “She’s so lucky…”