Growing up there has always been a list of standards of expectations upon me. Whether it be from my family, friends or strangers I was expected to be their own understanding of me. Recently I realized that the way I’m living my life right now is not even close to what I want. I grew up wanting to be a specific profession, not because my family expected me to but because I wanted to. As I go through my second semester in college I’ve learned so much about living one's life that I lost track on living my life. Living my life the way I wanted to.
I declared a specific major before I even got into college, thinking that I could conquer it with a big smile and the will to succeed. Halfway through my first year of college I felt drained and I lost hope on my skills. I have never questioned my ability as a student and as a human being, until now. I questioned my confidence and my intelligence way too many times to the point that I brought myself down. Every day I go by every minute convincing myself that the next minute will be better than the previous one. I look out my window and see the sun shining yet on the inside I feel heavy and empty. I was convinced that college was not my thing and I’m not fit enough for it. I have doubted myself so many times that I lost the real me.
I grew up with a nice foundation of supportive people and ongoing trust. I grew up confident and striving. I know where my limit is on being miserable and i know where my limit of deservance is. With this I deserve to live my life the way I want to, happily. I told myself that this is not the way to live. I do not deserve to live this way knowing that I can fix my situation with the snap of my fingers and no questions asked. So I decided to change my college path. My name is Gen and I was a Biochemistry Pre-Med major. It does not mean that I am weak or dumb. Me changing my major does not mean anything nor matter to anyone but me. Me changing my major does not determine my ability and knowledge. Me changing my major determines my will on becoming happy. My name is Gen and I want to be happy. That is all.
