I can still remember being in elementary school and instead of worrying about what games would be played in recess that day or what my friends had for lunch I worried about how my clothes fit me and how they looked. Now, I want to clarify that I have never struggled with an eating disorder or body dysmorphia, but that I fully support and love those struggling with the diseases. When I was younger, I was a competitive swimmer and because of this lost a lot of weight quickly. At the time it was something that frustrated me, but quickly because of comments from other people saying “I wish I could have your metabolism” or “It must be nice to not have to watch what you eat” I saw it was a good thing by society’s standards. I remember being young and not wanting to see a scale reading 100 because that meant I was no longer small. I don’t swim any more, but I still compete in sports at a high level and society’s obsession with how women’s bodies should look is still stronger than ever.

There have been so many times in my life that I have left the mall on the verge of tears or deleted pictures of my friends and I because of the way that I thought I looked in clothes. It seems like a godsend when I found a piece of clothing that was comfortable and actually made me happy when I looked in the mirror. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family and a mother who always taught me not to look at the number that the scale says. She has always said that it’s more important to feel good and be confident. She has always made me feel better when I question myself and has promoted a healthy relationship with food and exercise for me. Being a female athlete has come with it’s own body image issues. Being a softball catcher, my thighs are large and strong. This has been an insecurity of mine for a long time along with broad shoulders and big arms. I’ve realized though, that I love being strong. Nothing empowers me quite like pushing through a hard workout, maxing on a weight exercise, or excelling in my sport. I currently weigh more than I ever have in my life, but I am also the fittest and healthiest I have ever been. Your body and your worth are so much more than the digital numbers on that little screen.

My relationship with my body image is still a rocky one and one that is ever changing. It has been encouraging that over the last couple of years media has been called out for their use of photoshop to create unrealistic body standards for women. There is still a lot of work to be done, but I am hoping that with the changing cultural climate towards women’s body image that the young women growing up now will be more confident. The most important thing that I have learned about weight is that a number cannot sum up your awesome personality. It does not define your talents and your interests. The number on the scale can’t tell someone how great of a friend you are. Don’t let a number or a magazine cover make you feel any less about yourself, because you are unique and beautiful just by being you.