I was fifteen when I first discovered legitimate porn. I was fourteen when I first started becoming interested in "pornographic images." It has been something that I've struggled with for years and now I'm finally ready to take a formal stand on this issue. In watching some TED talks on YouTube, I came across one entitled "Why I stopped watching porn" delivered by Ran Gavrieli. I will post the link to his video here. I highly advise you watch the video before continuing.

I've had this conversation with many people who have very different views than I do. I've been told a variety of things, including "Everybody watches porn," "Sometimes a man just has to get his rocks off," and "It's not so bad." What really makes me upset about those answers is the ignorance behind them. They are blind assumptions, like the majority is right simply because they're the majority, or how men are physically and mentally incapable of controlling themselves when they're horny, or that porn doesn't have staggering mental and physical side effects. But whenever I hear someone speak up against porn, I hear them criticized. It makes me very sad, as I've been told that my friends are stupid because they think porn is bad, which then makes me feel stupid because I think porn is bad. But in almost every single way, pornography is damaging, unhealthy, and plain wrong.

In the video, Ran addresses porn as killing love through its manipulation of our innermost fantasies. He describes his fantasy, before porn, as being very sentimental and including words and sensual touch, while porn doesn't reflect this. Porn changes views to be only about penetration and more or less "hands free," meaning there's no caressing or kissing or talking. Just f***ing. You may ask what the big deal is. The deal is that is alters your state of mind. Rather than love, intimacy, and sensuality, porn conveys sex as violent, oppressive, and impersonal. After consuming it, it gradually morphs beliefs about sex to these images. Sex becomes envisioned as porn, which means we expect our sex lives to be like a porn star's to some degree. Then we become accustomed to this kind of behavior and it's addictive. We can't get ourselves away from it and we become addicted. Our own sexual lives become inadequate and we turn to porn as an answer, even though it's the problem.

Speaking of that, porn really affects our role perception. Porn tells us that men are the dominating force and focuses primarily on pleasing the man. In almost all cases, the woman must obey the man and do whatever it takes to please him, even if it includes physical and/or verbal violence. The widespread idea of porn is that it's mostly a male problem and exists mostly for men to masturbate true. While this is fairly accurate, it isn't wise to say it's just a male problem. Here are some statistics about the porn industry. "93% of boys and 62% of females have viewed porn by 18." "Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females." It goes on and on, so I'd be absolutely skeptical of anyone who doesn't say porn is an institution built primarily around pleasing men and dominating women.

Furthermore, porn stars create images of what is considered attractive, beautiful, and sexy. For men, it's a big penis and being able to last a long time. For women, it's having big breasts, a big ass, and a submissive demeanor. The implications and insecurities this creates are incredibly damaging. It doesn't take a lot of research to conclude that people hate the way they look right now. There's enormous pressure to look a certain way in order to fulfill a certain role. Subconsciously, if we don't fulfill the physical look of a porn star, we're not supposed to be doing what they do. Men aren't worthy of attention unless they're hung and maybe jacked, women aren't worthy of attention unless they're thin with disproportionately large breasts and butts. A statistic Ran shares in the video is that porn stars (I think just female in this case) are unlikely to live past the age of fifty because of drugs, STDs, murder, and suicide. Like Ran also says, nobody wants to be a porn star or prostitute, it only exists out of desperation. I would throw in sex trafficking, which he also addresses.

Porn is really just prostitution. Ran even pointed out that the word 'pornography' literally means 'documented prostitution.' I've seen numerous stories just in going about my daily life about the oppressiveness of the industry. It looks glamorous, but porn stars consistently exit the industry and reveal the verbal and physical abuse in the porn industry. Who would ever brag about being a porn star or even admit it to others? I can't imagine many would, but unfortunately lots of people recognize these people. I have friends who know porn stars by name and discuss their favorite ones. Others follow porn stars on social media. I know that every time I've viewed porn, I instantly regret it afterwards because I feel dirty. I would expect that most others feel the same way because it's most often seen as a private, embarrassing affair. Even if we like it for a short period of time, I think we all know to some extent that porn is dirty and wrong. But despite all this, we can't take our eyes away. Also in this category falls sex trafficking, once again. The more porn we consume, the bigger the industry gets. Basic economics. Supply and demand follow each other, so if we stop the demand, we stop the supply. If we continue to watch porn, we directly lead to people entering the industry "willingly" or otherwise.

I think I've talked a lot about the reasons it's damaging and unhealthy, but I want to take a little moment to talk about the morals of viewing pornography. This is where I sound like the crazy, prude Christian who wants to shut down everything I don't agree with. Even if all of the above weren't true, I think viewing other people having sex is morally wrong. In my eyes (or what I wish was in my eyes sometimes), sex is beautiful and intimate. It is meant to be an intense and emotional act between two people who care very deeply for one another and are ideally married. Sex is an act of life and an expression of love. To take it out of those contexts perverts it. Lots of people see sex as nothing more than a recreation for pleasure, and a cheap and easy one at that. That makes me sad, because I think it's so much more. It might be a bad analogy, but imagine you're giving away this wonderful bottle of wine meant to celebrate a great occasion, and then the person you're giving it to just uses it to get drunk by themselves. I honestly couldn't think of a better analogy despite having seen many examples that I can't remember at this point. But you get it, right? Maybe like giving your mom a piece of art you worked really hard on only to have her hand it back, throw it away, or not give it the attention you feel it deserves. I'm trying to say that it cheapens it. It takes something special and turns it into something that's no longer special. Plus, there's something to be said about not doing things online you wouldn't do in person. If you wouldn't watch sex in person or perform sex with an audience, why do it online?

Overall, I just want to emphasize that porn is not good by any sensible measure. I challenge you to find any good things about the industry, and no, "It feels good" and "I like it" are not acceptable answers. I really want you all to see the damage porn causes to all kinds of people and to your own mental and physical worlds. It's why I stopped watching porn, and why you should too.