Have you ever found yourself stuck in a relationship (whether it be with a friend or significant other) that you knew was toxic and hurting you, but you didn’t want to let go?
One way of thinking that I never understood, is the idea that just because you invested a significant amount of time in a person, that means that you need to keep them in your life to feel as if you didn’t waste it. But this causes a vicious cycle...because the longer you keep them around, the harder it will be to let go of them with that kind of flawed thinking.
I personally can’t picture myself sustaining any kind of relationship if it’s no longer healthy.
I have cut things off with friends I’d had for ten years, and friends I’d had for a few months. Whether I was talking to a guy for a while didn’t matter either. No one that is causing me to feel unhappy is worth keeping around. Not to mention, if you’re unhappy--chances are, they are too. A relationship badly experienced on one person’s end usually means that the other person isn’t having a healthy experience either. Even if they’re the reason for why things are going south.
Sometimes, unfortunately, more often than I’d like to have experienced, some people don’t understand this. They hold onto people because they’ve forgotten how life was without them. They have a warped idea that their life was somehow empty without them. But think of it like this: your life never had a void. When the person came into your life, they were an addition to your life, and because you became so used to that addition, the idea of them leaving makes you think that they would take a piece of yourself with them. But your life was never empty...so it’s really all in your head.
There are a lot of excuses to keep someone around too. Sometimes you keep them around because you hate the idea of being on bad terms with the person, or because you have too many mutual friends. Sometimes it’s because you really want to reassure yourself that you didn’t waste your time. But ultimately, it’s because you’re feeling insecure.
Does any of this matter more to you than your own well being?
If it does, I don’t know what to tell you. I just hope you learn to love yourself enough to see how you deserve better. If it doesn’t, then I hope you reevaluate your decision to continue the unhealthy relationship and decide to put yourself first. If the person in question cared about you or had any respect for you at all, then you probably wouldn’t have the problems you have.
Listen...everything is meant to be. People come into your life at certain times for a reason. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Take things as they are and change them in your life for the better. I thank the people who wronged me and the people who stuck by my side. They taught me how to stand up for myself, even when I’m standing alone.
