A couple months ago I had the unfortunate opportunity of being called “fat and ugly.” I was shocked at first, rather than being insulted right away. “Fat.” Hmmmm….I thought that was only used to describe hearts. I thought that was used to describe a heart that was overflowing with love, a heart of gold, a heart that had grown three sizes bigger. Never would I have used it to describe a body type or a person. Never would I have used that word to describe myself. I took to Facebook and posted a long rant trying to stay strong when so much was crumbling down around me. My friends were amazing surrounding me with support and loving comments and I tried to move on, but there are many consequences to these words.

Here are ten effects of calling someone “fat” and why that word is damaging to one’s self esteem.

1.All the victim’s problems boil down to one issue: weight.

2.Eating becomes a challenge.

3.Being called “fat” takes a toll on one’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

4.Being called “fat” made me afraid of my body.

5.Being called “fat” made me feel ugly.

6.Being called “fat” made me resent a body that works.

7.Treating myself brings along guilt.

8.You don’t know my story.

9.Calling someone “fat” is rude.

10. Being healthy becomes centered around a number rather than about pushing your limits and becoming healthier than you were the day before.

When I was called “fat” rather than seeing my other problems separately they all somehow got attached with my weight. My boyfriend and I broke up must be because of my weight. People don’t see me as a princess must be because I’m fat, after all you never see a Disney princess with a waist my size. People don’t want to talk or are being mean to me must be because I’m fat. As much as I didn’t want to fill my head with these ideas the thoughts spread quickly like a forest fire. They were uninvited and unnecessary. But most of all they weren’t true. These lies allowed myself to bully my body and see it as bad.

Though I do not have an eating disorder after being called “fat” it did affect the way I ate. Some days I was very apathetic towards food eating just because I knew I needed calories to function. And some days I would want to overeat because if they called me “fat” I was going to give them something to call “fat.” But that was not fair to my body or myself. Food is for supposed to be fuel and diets are supposed to be balanced. There is supposed to be a happy medium and I didn’t realize that at first.

This is one major consequence that I have really struggled with since being called “fat.” Trying on clothes anywhere whether it’d be at the mall or just at home is a very daunting task—more like a chore. My mind runs through the question “will it fit” over and over again. Relief floods if it does, and criticism fills me if it doesn’t. Most times I’ll leave empty handed, frustrated, tears filling my eyes, feeding off the lies that my body will never be good enough.

When I was called “fat” I became afraid of my body getting any bigger. I would frantically text my sister whenever I found a stretch mark afraid that that mark would prove that I was fat. My sister (being the amazing sister she is) assured me that everyone has stretch marks—including her. Though this was reassuring to me I was still afraid that my body would balloon like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You know the part where she eats the gum and turns into a blueberry and has to be rolled to the juicing room. I was afraid that my body would balloon to the point where I could no longer function.

Although these bullies called me ugly I would have felt ugly even if they hadn’t. Today society has an unattainable ideal of beauty. It is a harsh ideal leaving people who have a few extra pounds to decide for themselves what they are. Sadly, many of those people believe they are ugly, even though they are gorgeous inside and out. Today it seems as if there is a connotation between beauty and body size. And it leaves everyone feeling inadequate. But this connotation, this ideal is so messed up. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Beauty isn’t about being a size zero. Beauty comes from within. From personality, from the heart, from the words that come out of someone’s mouth. Actions speak louder than words, and in the case of beauty what’s on the inside makes a person more beautiful than what is on the outside.

Humans are never happy with what we have. If we have curly hair we want straight hair, if we have the iPhone 6 we have to upgrade to the iPhone 6S. It’s a pattern. We come to resent something that is perfectly good and functions well for something that we think is going to be better, but may come with its own set of problems. When I was little I took years and years of PT just to get my body to cooperate and do everyday things. PT was where I learned to push my body. When I was little all I wanted was for my body to work right, to be able to cooperate with me. Even with everything I’ve done like biking 26 miles in one day, being involved in marching band during high school, running after my little cousins etc. It doesn’t seem to be enough if I dwell on the word “fat.” By calling me “fat” I was taught to see my body as something bad and broken rather than an amazing system that works. I was taught to wish for something else rather than appreciating what I already have.

Even the health experts say that you should have one cheat day. One day to treat yourself to food that you wouldn’t usually eat on a diet. By calling me “fat” I feel guilt when I treat myself. I worry about how many calories there are in that iced coffee I got this morning rather than enjoying it. Treats don’t taste as sweet, and guilt becomes a bitter aftertaste.

You try putting yourself in my shoes. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and though that shouldn’t be an excuse to not live a healthier lifestyle, it certainly shouldn’t give you the right to call me “fat.” There are many medical conditions that affect weight. I happen to have one of these conditions. No I did not get this condition by my lifestyle. It is hereditary. However, I am doing my best to keep it under control and my weight at a healthier level, and you calling me “fat” does nothing to help that. So bye Felicia, I’m done with your negativity. Learn your facts next time and try to acquire some understanding.

Calling me “fat” does not serve as motivation. Calling me “fat” is rude. Enough said. I shouldn’t have to explain myself, or I shouldn’t have to even be writing this article, but here I am feeling the need to write this article because apparently, someone didn’t listen to their parents when they said the all to cliché statement “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” If I were you I’d be the one complementing people I don’t know, and you know what I’d be the one happier because I could lift the spirits of someone I didn’t even know.

It’s all about mindset. When I decide to focus on the number on the scale if I gain or if I stay the same I see failure. If I think about it as a lifestyle. If I look at the progress in my exercise, in my eating habits and just how I feel physically, mentally and emotionally, no matter what the scale says I feel like I’ve won because I can do more than I did the day before.

So how am I overcoming this body shame that I was made to feel? I remember that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). To me temples are beautiful buildings; they stand strong in the face of adversity. My body is that beautiful temple. It is strong in my most vigorous workouts and it is strong even when I am relaxing. I remember that I am a work in progress. Is my body perfect? No, it will never be. Am I healthy? Yes. Does it hurt to be called “fat?” Of course, it does, but I’m not going to let this defeat me. I am healthy, I am beautiful, I am strong, I am enough whether I’m a size zero or a plus sized woman. And when even that doesn’t motivate me to overcome this BS I look back at the comments of my friends and family remember that I’m loved. I feel my heartbeat and know that I have a purpose, that I am not perfect, that I am alive another day to make progress. So instead of using “fat” to describe body type lets start using the word “fat” to describe hearts bursting with love, because everyone deserves to feel loved and no one deserves to feel shame about their body no matter their size or body shape.