As 20-something-year-olds, people like to give us advice. Whether it's dating advice, college advice, life advice, or any kind of advice, really, those who gave us the advice like to take credit for the way our life will magically unfold after incorporating said advice into our life. One of the most cliche pieces of advice my mom, dad, friends, and strangers on the bus love to tell me is -- wait for it -- yeah, you guessed it: "Put yourself out there." Ugh.
If you're anything like me, you're a bit reserved in the sense that large crowds may or may not give you anxiety, and you're a bit shy and quiet around new people. All normal stuff, really. That's just part of my (and maybe your) personality. But that is the exact reason why saying "put yourself out there" really does nothing for me, or introverted people, period.
After taking a minute to really think about what this phrase literally means, we can decode it as meaning to place your Ben & Jerry's ice cream and bottle of wine aside, turn off Netflix, get off the couch, and put some decent clothes on (which doesn't include your sweatpants and super baggy vintage crew sweater with your Alma Mater on it). So, in other words, this advice is straight trash, because who would want to do those things anyway? That advice is pretty obvious -- like, of course it’s not socially acceptable to eat ice cream and watch Netflix every weekend, but that doesn't mean I will all of a sudden have the urge to meet new people just because someone told me to "put myself out there." So I've been thinking about this (clearly), and here are a few pieces of advice you can say to a sort-of-introverted person that doesn’t leave them wanting to punch you in the throat. (OK, that was a little aggressive, but you get the picture.)
“Get out of your comfort zone.”
I will admit that this is basically just a euphemism for “put yourself out there,” but it makes more sense to us introverts and here’s why. “Get out of your comfort zone” on the surface level basically means to go out and do something that you wouldn’t normally do, right? Go for a run or go to that one restaurant you have been wanting to try, something you haven't done in a while. This basically places the blame on yourself in that it is your responsibility to try new things and push yourself, not just blindly put yourself out there because everyone else is doing it.
“Embrace vulnerability.”
Embracing vulnerability is hard, trust me, but I think this captures what “trying to put yourself out there” does. If large crowds and new things make you feel vulnerable, embrace that. The more you do those things that make you uncomfortable at first, the easier they will become (or so they say). When you feel a sense of vulnerability or fear, it is because you really care about something, so remember that next time going to the grocery store to get ice cream makes you feel vulnerable.
To the people who have the burning desire to tell someone “put yourself out there,” remember that this logic doesn't nearly apply to everyone. And to those sort-of-introverted people reading this, offer a counter word of advice to those who are insisting you do this. And if that doesn’t work, well... Just walk away and maybe don’t punch them in the throat -- after all, someone who didn’t know what they were talking about probably told them to put themselves out there and look where they got.
