It's not exactly a secret that my first semester in college was a pretty tough one, especially in regards to academics. I'll be the first to admit that, yes, I landed myself on academic probation. This is a huge drop from where my GPA was in high school, and I came to college planning on exceeding my past academic performance, so you can imagine my disappointment as I realized that I was not there at all.
However, I've come to realize that there are a number of people in my life implying that the partying I did the first semester of college is the number one reason for why I did so poorly. I can definitely admit to myself that I probably went a little crazy when it came to that, and now that I've eased up a bit on spending my weekends partying and staying out late, I've definitely seen an increase in grades and in my energy and motivation for school. But I'm getting really tired of getting judged by some people on the few weekends now that I do decide to let loose and have fun.
Along with going out every weekend first semester, I also had undiagnosed and unmedicated mental health issues that I was dealing with. And if you ask me, I think these were the biggest factors in my poor academic performance. I was skipping class and just generally lacking the motivation to do well in school. I had all the reason in the world to do well in school--my plan was and still is, to transfer somewhere else that I didn't get into when I first applied for colleges. However, even this couldn't get me through my seemingly boring classes and tedious reading assignments. When you're struggling with depression and anxiety, there's a lot of things that should motivate you that just don't anymore.
And was partying late and not going to bed until 3 a.m. every Friday and Saturday night a contributor to my depression and anxiety? Probably. But that doesn't mean that my mental health, along with the multitude of social issues I was dealing with first semester didn't pack in a punch, either. I'm not going to be that person that blames all my issues and negative traits on my mental and emotional health, but I also think it's important to recognize just how badly they affected me and my motivation to do well in school. Because the last thing I need, on top of being neuro-atypical, is people guilt-tripping me for doing the same thing that so many other college students are doing, almost every weekend.
Going out and partying and staying out late are a part of college, and they're something that we should all be able to enjoy, albeit in moderation. I've definitely adjusted my lifestyle in college to semester to put my academics first, and social life lower on my list of priorities. However, when I do choose to give myself a weekend off, I'm not going to waste time and energy feeling guilty about it. College is an experience that only comes around once, and it's so much more than just academics. So to the people who want to guilt trip me--or any other college student, especially others who deal with mental health issues--for being a typical college student, I'm asking you to kindly reconsider and think about what you're actually saying. Because just like one weekend of studying will not make up for a semester of partying, one weekend of partying will not spoil a semester mostly spent with my nose in the books and my head in the game.
