We all know that one person who doesn’t really seem to care for their own needs. They put their family and friends before them and get taken advantage of, only to just smile and not really care, even when damaging their own mental health for others. It’s very clear that this is damaging, and you need to talk to that one friend you have, or take a step back and start to think; Are you this friend? Or are you the one who always takes advantage of this friend’s kindness. If you answered yes to the first question, you need to take a moment to breathe. If you answered yes to the second question, you’re honestly kind of a butt. Why would you use someone who’s nice, you monster?

I have a friend who is letting a friend stay with her and use her to the full advantage. It isn’t my place to say anything to either of them, but man do I want to! This person drops everything and puts their own emotional state—which is often shaky—at risk for this other person. They’re way too nice and are putting themselves at danger by not taking care of themselves first.

If you’re the kind of person who does this, stop. You need to shut yourself off from others and do what you need for yourself. Did you shower today, or did you spend an hour on the phone helping your friend out? I understand that people who get used feel the compulsive need to help others in a way to avoid dealing with their own demons, but it’s making their own demons worse and piling on the demons of others as well.

Start small and step by step with helping yourself. Think of what you need to do today. Mary next door needs you much less than you need you, I promise. Take a moment to do something that puts you in a good mood. Listen to your favorite song or pet your dog. Make sure you try to keep yourself in a decent mood, because if your mood drops, there’s not much to help. Take a long hot shower and then begin with your responsibilities for the day. Make sure to keep your stress levels at a minimum and if someone asks a favor say “no, I need to take care of myself first.”

Your own mental state should come before anyone else’s. It doesn’t matter if they are your best friend or even your spouse. If you fail to take care of yourself properly, how can you honestly expect to help others? Don’t cut people out completely, but remember that you need to be number one.