There I was again, lying face down on the floor of my room, wondering how in the heck it was already 10:30 p.m.

It was a Thursday, and I had just returned home from a club meeting. The meeting was preceded by another club meeting, dinner with friends, a guided tour of campus (led by yours truly), a late brunch, and 3 classes beforehand. My body was tired, but my mind was completely and utterly exhausted.

As I lay there, looking something like a deflated party balloon as I wallowed on top of a pile of laundry, I asked myself "why?" Why was I so drained? Being hyper-involved and social to the extreme were not new to me. Why was I feeling so emotionally and mentally exhausted? These deep thoughts were interrupted by the smell of Totino's Pizza Rolls– a staple in my apartment– and as I rushed out of my room to go make some of my own, completely disregarding the existential crisis that had consumed me.

Flash forward to winter break – here I am, again, wallowing face down on yet another pile of unfolded laundry, knowing full well I'm about to abandon the peace of my hometown for hectic college life once more. In the midst of my woes enters my dad, who tells me to pick myself up and start reading this book he'd been going on about for some time. I pulled it up on my Kindle and read the title: The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck. Bold...but I gave it a try.

Holy. Shoot.

The moment I began reading this book, I was shaken. For multiple days, I lived like a hermit in my room, only dragging my carcass downstairs to the kitchen to grab food and water every now and then. I had finally realized why I was so exhausted, why I dreaded doing the things that everyone told me would make me happy:

I cared too much about what others thought of me and what I should be doing instead of what I actually wanted to do.

You might be thinking to yourself, "Okay, duh, Alexis. That's pretty much the lesson of every pre-teen angst Disney Channel movie ever produced, I already know this stuff."

HOWEVER, this is different. This is bigger than Troy Bolton wanting to perform in East High School's musical when his dad wanted him to ball out– much bigger.

As I learned from the book's author, Sarah Knight, so many of us, including myself, do things– even little, seemingly insignificant things– for the sake of other people. Not even in some sort of altruistic or heroic sense, but because we are afraid of being judged for saying no to people and opportunities when we have no excuse other than the fact that we just don't want to do whatever is being suggested (or, if you're like me, because you have major FOMO and will dread scrolling through social media seeing what you "missed out" on).

After reading, I did a bit of self-reflection on my involvements and relationships. I was doing the most– joining a ton of clubs, going to every social event I was physically capable of attending, giving time and energy to people (some of whom, honestly, didn't quite deserve it)– and feeling the worst. As Sarah put, I was "spending time I didn't have with people I didn't like doing things I didn't want to do." And for what? For me to add another activity to my resume? To impress people who really didn't care about me outside of social events? To feel like my life was "full" when I actually felt empty inside?

I decided it was time to take the wheel.

I made a list of people, organizations, and events I was continuously funneling time and energy into, and budgeted my cares according to my true, unfiltered feelings about them. Did I really care what Deborah from the so-and-so club of W.P. Carey would think of me if I dropped out to make time for other pursuits? No, not really. Did I need to go out with my friends on a Monday night and abandon my Law & Order: SVU marathon when I really didn't want to, simply because they asked numerous times? Nope (plus Detective Olivia Benson deserved better than that). Was I obligated to miss a pre-test review session to cover a tour for a fellow guide, simply because I felt bad that they needed to find coverage? NO. I realized that, while living your life in service to others is a great thing to practice on occasion, completely neglecting your own passions, dreams, desires, and general self to do so is not healthy.

Now, I'm not claiming that this is an easy thing to put into practice. Even while I was writing this article, I caught myself thinking "AH what will people think of this? Is this weird?" Yet here I am, writing this anyway because it's what I wanted to do– so I did it.

I'm also not promising that people always agree with or understand the decisions made throughout this process, but show others respect regardless. When I quit clubs and phased myself out of relationships that were making me unhappy, I didn't throw up a deuce and peace out without fulfilling previous promises or responsibilities. Again, as Sarah notes in her book, it's good to do what you want to do, just don't be a jerk about it.

Keeping these things in mind, I have successfully reserved my time and talents for things of worth to me. I choose to give 100% of myself to fewer relationships instead of half-assing a million relationships. I have my true friends supporting me, time at the end of the day to relax (for once), and I'm living for myself in the few college years that I have the opportunity to do so (while also providing quality work to causes I care about). And you know what? I'm far happier because of it.

I challenge anyone and everyone to do the same (and to read Sarah Knight's book, if you have the chance). You'll thank me for it later.