The term “micro-aggression” is relatively new; I only learned the definition last year from a presentation. They are basically insults passed off as compliments. According to Psychology Today, “Micro-aggressions are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights,snubs,or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to targeted persons based solely upon marginalized group memberships.” Being an Asian American woman in a primarily Caucasian academic setting, I get them a lot.
Common micro-aggressions I hear on a daily basis include:
“You’re so pretty for an Asian girl.”
“What’s your name? No, what’s your real name?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be good at math?”
“Are you really a good driver because, like, you’re a girl?”
“Where are you from? No really, where are you from?”
“Can you teach me how to make (insert random Asian dish)?”
“You have pretty eyes for an Asian.”
Nearly all of these comments come from people who think these questions and comments are “OK” to ask because they are not offensive but they really are. Most of the time, these questions come from existing stereotypes society encourage. They are usually laughed off, but they need to be taken more seriously because of the racial and sexist undertones they create.
According to the first example I provided, I am “pretty for an Asian girl.” Does this mean that I’m ugly compared to another race? Are Asian girls typically not pretty? In my eyes, this is a backhanded compliment. Why can’t I just be told I’m pretty? What does my race have to do with anything? Adding the fact that I am Asian just puts emphasis on a group of people and that is completely unnecessary.
In the past, I just accepted these micro-aggressions because I assumed the people do not know any better. But after my experience at the Midwest Asian American Student Union (MAASU) last spring, I realized I cannot just let them talk to me like that. A workshop I took from the Funny. Asian. Women. K? Group taught me how to clap back at micro-aggressions. It was the best workshop I have ever taken because it gave me a voice. I didn’t have to accept these microaggressions because I know I can talk back.
The only way people will know they are doing something wrong is if it is brought to their attention. Even then, some people don’t seem to care unless they get called out on it. This way sounds harsh but sometimes, it is the only way people will understand they are doing something wrong.
The racial and sexist undertones in these backhanded compliments create a harsh and unsafe environment. Because they cause an unsafe environment, they need to end. Don’t be afraid to call someone out for saying a micro-aggression. Educate them on why saying micro-aggressions is not cool. Stand up for yourself and your community.
