Why do people continue to marry people they hate?
And why does this continuously get normalized? People are expected to hate the person they're married to. It's bizarre, concerning, and sometimes infuriating. It leaves me with more questions than I know what to do with.
I don't spend a lot of time out in the general public, I'll admit it. But recently, I was attending the Minnesota State Fair, and I was reminded of this practice of hating your spouse. I spied a shirt for sale at one of the many vendors that boasted "I got a fishing rod for my wife. It was the best trade I've ever made."
Ha, ha. Your wife is less valuable to you than an object. Fantastic. This is the pinnacle of humor. In fact, this is such a good joke that there are dozens like it online.
But really: if you don't like her, why did you marry her?
There aren't just jokes about hating your spouse. There's also jokes about hating marriage itself. Marriage is the end of the fun part of you life, am I right? Marriage, that ancient life-ruiner, haha!
If you don't want to get married, then why are you getting married? If you don't forsee your continued relationship with your potential spouse to be fun and fulfilling, why are you even considering marrying them?
I guess I should account for the idea that you got married, and THEN began to dislike each other. OK. So, why are you still married?
There really isn't any shame in admitting your marriage is not longer healthy for the two of you. Or, at least, there shouldn't be. It should be treated similarly to non-married committed relationships: if you don't like each other any more, you break up. You stop associating with each other. You certainly don't continue to slog through the relationship, continuously bemoaning the fact that you have to be with each other.
Why is it such a "normal" thing to hate the person you've decided to live the rest of your life with?
Why is saying you love your spouse seen as a funny joke? "Haha, they can't be serious, there must be something to read between the lines." There's so many shirt designs that play on this. The one above reads "I love it when my wife lets me go hunting". There's some for fishing, for playing golf, for when your wife brings you a beer. There's some about husbands too: I love it when my husband lets me play bingo, lets me go shopping, takes me camping. All of these "jokes" playing on the idea that simply loving your spouse is a joke. I can't understand them, to be honest with you.
This article is full of questions, I realize this. But it's mainly because I'm simply baffled at the idea that people go through the entire process of marriage when they don't want to get married, or they don't like each other, or they just plain hate each other. I can't see this in my future at all, and the idea that I'm supposed to hate my spouse scares me. If I'm going to decide to legally commit myself to spending the rest of my life with someone, it's going to be because I want to, because I love them, and because I love the idea of spending my life with them, and because I know they feel the same way about me. I hope that as I get older, I see less humor about hating spouses, and more genuine affection for each other. It sounds like a much better situation.
