Girls, We Gotta Stop Letting Guys Define Our Happiness | The Odyssey Online
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Girls, We Gotta Stop Letting Guys Define Our Happiness

I promise you, someone out there will treat you the way every girl is supposed to be treated: like a princess.

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Girls, We Gotta Stop Letting Guys Define Our Happiness
Ilana Goldberg

When I started school nine months ago, I never expected to learn so many life lessons. I learned who my true friends were and to let go of people who don't care about me anymore. Most importantly, I learned not to take shit from anyone, mainly guys.

I've always let people walk all over me. I'm the kind of person that will still be there for you no matter how you treat me. I would spend nights crying, but when my tears dried, I would still be there for you. This year I let a guy essentially use me for months. My friends saw the red flags, but I was happy. I wanted to believe he respected me. It took four months of tears and pain to end things. I came up with excuses for why he didn't want to meet my friends or let me meet his. I came up with excuses for why we didn't talk to each other in public and why we didn't walk around campus together. My friends would roll their eyes at me, but I was in this bubble where everything was good. I thought it was whatever and didn't see that I deserved more than that. We barely talk anymore, yet I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. There's no more excuses or nights crying over a stupid boy.

I knew from then on, I wasn't putting up with bullshit anymore. You wanna walk all over me? Go ahead, but I'm not sticking around. You wanna make me feel self-conscious? Go ahead, but I'm not sticking around. I don't deserve to be treated this way -- no girl does. Girls are supposed to be treated with respect and he didn't respect me. Because if he did, none of this would have happened.

I kept getting excuses from a guy who used to make time to hang out with me, that he was too busy with homework. I was in my happy bubble again where I still wanted to hang out with him despite the tears I shed over him. I let the excuses to hang out go and would still ask if he had any time. Finally, I said to myself, Fine, you know what? If he gives you one more excuse, you tell him I'm done asking to hang out. You tell him if he wants to hang out, he can ask. No matter how hard it is, you put yourself first.

Sending that text hurt. A part of me wanted to believe that he was different. A part of me didn't want to lose that happiness, but it's time for me to start putting myself first. I've spent far too many nights crying over stupid boys. I've spent far too many days wondering if they still like me as a person. I've made far too many excuses for them. Well, now I'm done. I'm done crying over boys. I'm done being used. If you don't have time for me, that's fine. Yeah, I'll be hurt, but why should I keep letting you break me down?

My chosen family, my best friends, don't give me excuses. If any of us can't do something, we suggest another time. I don't worry that they don't like me because one way or another we see each other. I've come to see that some people aren't like that, and that's okay. Not everyone will want to see you as often as you want to see them. I can only take so much and know that when I'm done, I'm DONE.

Girls, as much as it hurts, say bye to the boy who treats you like shit, but also makes you "happy." You deserve better -- way better. You deserve someone who wants to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. You deserve someone who won't run away when things get tough. You deserve someone who won't lead you on. I know it will hurt letting him go. You'll miss him, but one day you'll wake up thanking yourself that he's not in your life anymore. Keep people in your life who respect you and want to hang out with you. Dry your tears, eat some ice cream, and go be with your girls. Boys come and go, but your girls will stick around. You don't need a boy to make you happy or to make you feel loved.

Remember that your girls were there for you every time you cried over a boy. Hug them tight and focus on the people that make you happy. I promise you, the right man will come around (yes man, not boy). That man will love you and respect you. It's time to say so long to the boys who think they can use you and walk all over you. They don't deserve your tears. You come first, ALWAYS. It's time to put yourself first and let go of the pain they're causing you.

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