“If a girl doesn’t verbally refuse sex, then it isn’t rape.”

“If a girl goes into a room alone with a boy, then they are asking for trouble.”

“If a girl doesn’t physically fight back, then it isn’t rape.”

These were only a few of many questions found on a survey looking to gather the perspectives on rape held by students on campus. It’s important to note that each of these questions frame the female as the victim and do not consider the possibility of male rape victims. They also seem to forget about non-heterosexual rapes. Every single question on the survey failed to leave those possibilities open as viable. This is concerning because male rape is an issue that is overlooked way too often. The individuals circulating these surveys were performing an “intervention” style project to raise awareness about sexual assault in general as well as on college campuses. If these proactive individuals are ignoring the male rape victims, then how can we expect anyone else to recognize them?

Over the past few weeks and months it has become extremely clear to me that, as a whole, our society does not care about male rape survivors. There has been an increase in conversation about sexual assault and rape throughout the internet, media, and college campuses. However, these conversations generally focus strictly on female victims in heterosexual situations. This disregard of alternate possibilities in cases of rape and sexual violence make it extremely difficult for victims in situations outside of the perceived norm to receive help or to speak out about their own cases.

It is a problem that men have to feel ashamed to report their rapes. Fears of being labelled gay or weak are often the causes of individuals holding in their feelings and experiences. This, as well as a misunderstanding of what rape is, has led to the under-reporting of rape cases with male victims. In cases of adult sexual assault against men, it is estimated that less than 4 percent of cases are reported. This not only is awful for the victims who are afraid to speak up, but it also perpetuates the problem by making it seem like less of an issue than it actually is.

As previously mentioned, the idea that men can be victims of rape isn’t being brought up in the conversation about sexual assault, at least not in the capacity that it should be. I saw a video on Twitter a few weeks ago that at first seemed promising, but quickly fell through the cracks. This male rape awareness video showed individuals saying things that are often attributed to male rape, such as, “How could he let that happen?” and that “doesn’t happen on this team.” However, the end of the video shows the statistic that one in six men are survivors of childhood sexual assault. Obviously this is an important fact, but it gives the impression that male rape is only an issue in childhood and that adult victims do not exist. This is not true. This damaging myth could have been addressed more effectively had the advertisement emphasized male survivors as a whole and not just male survivors of childhood rape.

If we want to solve the problem of sexual assault and rape in our society we need to stop endorsing the idea that men cannot be victims. Rape can occur between a woman and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a man with either party being the perpetrator or the victim. Male survivors are not always children. Male survivors are not always gay.

Male survivors are not weak. Male survivors exist and their experiences are just as legitimate as any else’s and they should be taken just as seriously.

*If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, then there are many available resources that you can turn to. Do not feel ashamed. Do what you need in order to cope.*

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network