Dating and relationships today are much different than they were 20, or even 10 years ago. Everything is much more casual, non-committal and impersonal. Now, no matter what your feelings are on how dating has evolved, I think that everyone can agree that one things most relationships have become is much more public.

Because of this, I’ve seen an increase of it all online, fighting and breaking up via Facebook comments, screenshots of texts posted on twitter, and even one or two of the infamous “after sex selfies” posted on Instagram. However, having such an up close and personal look at other’s relationships allows us to see the good, the bad, and the really, really bad. Over the last year or so I’ve seen a huge increase in videos, text posts, and images glorifying relationship abuse among young people.

The abuse that I have seen are primarily the kinds that are not as often talked about; emotional and verbal abuse. Young people are quickly beginning to have a warped sense of how normal relationships should function, and are trapping themselves and others into unhealthy, abusive relationships. Many of them revolve around suspicion, sneaking around, and controlling the lives of their significant other, rather than focusing on respect, love, and mutual happiness.

I see posts that I personally find terrifying, talking about your boyfriend having to ask permission to go out with friends, or how your girlfriend isn’t allowed to have any friends that are males. These posts all have captions such as “relationship goals” or “find yourself a man like this.” Sentiments such as this, and other ones similar are not okay thoughts to have in a normal, healthy relationship.

There are many, many other dynamics of abusive relationships that I have seen normalized online, however I can only discuss so many here. One, however, is girls being proud of being the “crazy girlfriend.” Being passionate and caring are qualities that should be welcomed in a relationship, but they should not be confused with aggression and borderline stalking. Your significant other should feel that you care for them and their well being, however, they should not feel as if their personal space or identity is being encroached upon. Being constantly suspicious of their actions and ready to fight at the drop of a hat is not healthy behavior, it is toxic and it is emotional abuse. Partners should not be cautious to go about their daily life in fear of angering their significant other.

I find that often girls are able to get away with this behavior much easier than guys, and this double standard is enabling men to be put into toxic relationships without being able to put words to the abuse they are suffering. Girls are able to blame it on them being a “crazy girlfriend” because somehow that title makes it seem funnier, or more light hearted, however if a man were to act similarly it is immediately called out as being abuse. In both cases, it is wrong and unhealthy.

Another common thing I have seen are “comedic” videos starring a couple. One of the two will leave the room leaving their phone behind. Their boyfriend/girlfriend will then jump at the chance to attempt to break into their significant other’s phone to see if they are doing anything they don't approve of, for example cheating. Digging through your significant other's personal belongings unbeknownst to them with the intention of finding things to start an argument over is disrespectful and childish. If you suspect your significant other is cheating the only appropriate way to approach the situation is to talk to them about the concerns you have and make your conclusions based off this. Perhaps even asking permission to access their phone if you so feel the need. While these videos may attempt to be comedic, they are simply normalizing invasion of privacy, a breach in trust, in relationships.

I often see people exacting entirely too much control over each other's lives. They dictate who their significant other can and cannot be friends with, they require that their significant other ask permission before going out with friends. I often see relationships that are more reminiscent of a parent and child situation than two people in a committed relationship. This is not the way relationships work. Two should work together to make each other feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. Telling your significant other they cannot be friends with people of the genders they are attracted to is not normal relationship behavior. It is ostracizing them from their friends and it is relationship abuse.

A relationship should complement your life, not take away from it. A healthy relationship will have its issues, for sure, but overall it should make your life more enjoyable. Think of a relationship in your life as a garnish on a plate before a meal. It’s pleasant, and adds attractiveness to your meal overall. You add the garnish to the meal, and they work together to create something even better. You don’t scrape food off the plate to make room for the garnish, or throw away the entire dish entirely leaving just to garnish. Just like the garnish, relationship should complement and mesh well with your existing life. Sure, there may be small changes, but cutting out large portions of things you enjoy, or stopping your life entirely is not healthy.

A relationship consists of two equals coming together to share their lives and experiences. Don’t allow bad behavior on social media become societal norm. It may be the oldest rule in the book but it’s still one of the most important: treat your significant other the way you would want to be treated.