I cannot stand fear.
In my opinion, it's one of the most crippling things we encounter in life.
Now, I'm not talking about the type of fear we feel when there's physical danger around or the kind of fear that is healthy to have in certain and reasonable circumstances.
I'm talking about the fear of Man.
I'm talking about the fear of Failure.
I'm talking about the fear of the Unknown.
I'm talking about all the different things Fear will weaponize and use against us to sideline us from living the life God has called us to.
The only reason fear has ANY INFLUENCE on the decisions we make in our lives is because WE ALLOW IT TO HAVE INFLUENCE.
But we don't have to.
Fear needs to be told who is boss. Fear needs to be put in its place. Fear needs to be reminded of who's really in control of life – GOD. And because God is PERFECT LOVE, "perfect love CASTS OUT ALL FEAR." -1st John 4:18.
For a long time, I allowed the fear of failure, fear of man, and fear of not being accepted for who I was influence what I did and how I did it. I performed. I pandered. I tried to please everyone around me so that people would like me.
And it was EXHAUSTING.
And I still felt like I was never enough.
Until... I finally understood how to tell fear to go where the sun don't shine.
This is An Open Letter to Fear.
Dear fear;
I hate you. Yeah. I hate you.
You wide eyed trembling shaking in your boots corner cowering and knocking knees sniveling
thing.
I know who your daddy is,
the one who delves out darkness, his favorite candy,
and you, you, are his favorite child
and I hate you.
We've met way too many times,
I've been compliant with your visits too many times.
Too many times you've followed me around in my waking hours,
whispered terror and torment into my tortured ears
tried to cover up what I know is the ultimate TRUTH
with lies so expertly crafted
I forgot you were just an instrument
that only plays haunting clashing noise.
You're just another sour note on a broken out-of-tune piano
who needs someone else to fix them
a meal out of their emotions and feelings and dreams to be sustained
and for some reason,
I kept making one for you and feeding you at my table
and I gave your noise too much attention that it dominated my life
and I know my life is not my own
but still, I remained a captive,
captivated by this
this thing that seemed to keep me safe, in my head
this thing that makes time tick too quickly, in my head
this thing that creates impossible Hollywood like scenarios to play out, in my head
this thing that forges conversations that would never, could never actually happen, in my head
you have claimed my head as your home address for too long.
Get out.
You're not welcome here.
I will send you back to your daddy with your tail between your legs
like the devil dog you are.
I will not let you snarl, teeth-bared bark at me any longer.
Next time you come around I will kick you down and out so hard
an NFL kicker would be impressed at how far you will fly away from me
I'm changing the locks. Boarding up the windows.
Searching every crack and crevice of this head and heart of mine with Jesus as my guiding light
Cuz, you see, fear, I hate you.
I really hate you.
And I more committed than ever to keeping you out of this house of a body for good.
And now,
let me tell you something, fear, that you're afraid to hear.
You're nothing to me. You've got nothing on me.
And I will sing and shout this until my lungs give way
cuz you see, fear,
I know the One who makes my faith into something even your slimy sticky hands can't reach or break
and I know, that once I stop opening the door, letting you inside, and dismantle the table I've let you reserve
inside my mind for your meals,
you'll die!
and I know that your only goal in life is to keep me in chains
but I know the chain-breaker!
DEAR FEAR!
I laugh at you.
You pathetic, disgusting bug.
I will not let you crawl back into my life.
I will use the Psalms as Raid Spray,
shut you out of this house and keep you in the cold where you belong.
I will squash you with the Truth,
kick you in the face with Freedom,
and prove you wrong with my Victory.
Watch me.
"An Open Letter to Fear" by Liv Nortillo
