More times than not people talk about the friendships that have ended because someone did something that hurt them or upset them. It is less likely that people talk about the friends that they have hurt or upset. When the situation is flipped people hope for an apology or an explanation as to why this has happened, but when you’re the person that has committed the wrongdoing, have you apologized?

If the answer is no, you’re not the only person who has done this, I have too. Sometimes mistakes are made unknowingly, but that doesn’t mean you can’t apologize after the fact. It can be awkward to apologize for something you did long ago, it can be even more awkward if you hurt someone and knew you hurt them, shortly after the fact. It’s such a silly thing to be ashamed to say, “I’m sorry”. There shouldn’t be much shame in saying the two simple words, but why is it so hard? Is it hard to admit or accept that you were a bad friend? Or is the anticipation of knowing if the apology is accepted too nerve wracking? For me personally, it is all of the above. I’ve always credited myself as a good friend, but sometimes I make mistakes and don’t realize it until later. I would never intentionally hurt one of my friends, but I am human and I do mess up. Acknowledging that I haven’t been the best type of a friend is hard and not something I want to admit to, but not admitting and not apologizing makes me an even worse friend. The anticipation is also very nerve wracking, if you hurt someone bad enough, an apology might not be able to fix it. This is something you have to expect going into the apology, can a phrase really heal a wound, if you don’t think it can, still apologize. If the person accepts the apology, you have to take actions in order to back up the temporary bandage on the friendship.

When we’re the person who is hurt, it’s so easy to expect things from the person who hurt us. When we’re the person who hurt someone else, we have no idea what to do about the situation. The best thing to do is to take a step back from the situation and evaluate what happened if the friendship isn’t a healthy one give an apology and move on from it, which could’ve been the end of a friendship that needed an ending. If this is a friendship that is healthy and worth fighting for, make the apology matter. Break it down to the mistakes that were made and that you know why and how you messed up. Continue on with how you could improve yourself to be a better friend, let your friend know that you still care and that they matter. Too many times good friendships die because the person who made a mistake takes too much time to apologize.

This doesn’t just apply to your friends, this can apply to any type of a relationship you have with someone whether it’s a boyfriend, girlfriend, or family member. It’s time to stop focusing on who has hurt us, but who we have hurt and how we can fix it.