There are a lot of images of Asian women, particularly in Western culture. Geishas and comfort women, some of the most well known of these images, portray the idea of some kind of submissive being or object, that a woman who will do what she is told, particularly by men. These kinds of ideas have historical contexts, but they continue to play deep into the modern ideas many have in their desire or affection for Asian women.
For men, particularly of Western culture, the Asian woman is someone who will serve him, will do whatever he wants, and will give him nothing but affection and love no matter how cruel, unkind, or disgusting he may be. These kinds of ideas are what prompt these men to specifically pursue Asian women, caring less for the contents of their character, and more for these preconceived notions that they believe dating an Asian woman will guarantee.
Another side of this coin are men who are highly invested in Asian culture, and as a result, only wish to date an Asian woman to experience or assimilate further into their culture. As a young Asian woman raised in the Western world, I have become more than aware of these kinds of notions and can say that they, among other fetishizations of race, are a tradition worth ending, for they damage many of the foundations that make relationships strong.
One of the most personally upsetting preconceived notions regarding Asian women is that we are not strong. I have grown up surrounded by a network of strong, confident, and successful women and the notion that Asian women only live to serve others, particularly men, is insulting. Due to this widespread idea, people in a relationship with an Asian woman may believe she can be overpowered or intimidated easily and that getting their way is as simple as saying so. Having this kind of dynamic within a relationship is seriously harmful to all involved and extremely unhealthy. Asian women hold opinions and ideas just like everyone else, and just because you are with an Asian woman does not instantly mean you have a partner who will follow your every whim. People and their willingness to compromise is not dependent on their race, and the idea of being with someone just because they agree with you on everything is an unhealthy and extremely unrealistic way of approaching any relationship.
Another point I have to dispute when it comes to Asian women, particularly in countries like the United States or the United Kingdom, is that we will date or marry anyone, particularly for a visa or citizenship. I am more than aware of the large volume of mail order brides and green card marriages stemming from countries like my family's native Philippines. However, this is not all of us, and to assume we are only with someone for such malicious or self-serving purposes is a low blow to the values of love and marriage many of us have been taught by our families. There is a large amount of discourse regarding white male-Asian female relationships, particularly in the Asian community because of such stereotypes and notions. The belief that Asian women only date white men discounts many beautiful, healthy relationships between Asian women and people of all races.
Truth be told, I became warier when dating anyone who wasn't Asian for the fear that they only wanted to be with me because I was an Asian female. This wariness was not unwarranted, but it is not just me who had it, and it does need to end. No one should live in fear of only being a fetish to another person who they believe cares for them.
I am in a relationship today where my Asian heritage plays no part in why we met or why we're still together. This is by no means a rarity, but it still needs to be celebrated in the face of the kinds of images and ideas about Asian women and interracial relationships still held in our culture today. Constance Wu, star of "Crazy Rich Asians," called out the fetishization of Asian women earlier this year, yet it seems the point still isn't clear enough. I am not saying being attracted to Asian women is a crime or wrong, in fact, that is the opposite. But when someone says they're "into Asian women" or only exclusively date Asian women, consider the reasons why. Perhaps, the reasons why are more deep-seated than just physical attraction, and if so that is a problem in our culture to truly reflect on and come to terms with.
The fetishization of Asian women isn't the only type of racial fetishization out there in our culture by any means, but it is one of the most prevalent. So, here's some obvious, but truly important dating advice—start dating people for their character and value, not just for your notions regarding their race, and you may just find yourself in a healthy, happy relationship.
