Some general fears hinder any chance we have of happiness. It makes us view happiness as an ephemeral, temporary object rather than a state of mind. We fear incidences which might not even arise; and this fear makes the present moment more difficult to bear. Our past already happened; but our future can restrain our present. Recently, I started trying to deal with my unnecessary worries and apprehensions. I learned that frequently, my unhappiness and lack of tranquility emerges from fear.

At some point in their lives, the fear of not receiving love and living through life alone seems to pass through many individuals’ minds. I struggle with this; and I know others who do. Society sets unrealistic standards for both men and women. These physical and mental standards make us feel as if we do not deserve to be loved due to our looks, intelligence, occupation, or any other circumstance. Love has moved away from selfless, unconditional love to egotistical, conditional love. To me, what makes us able to be loved, is our ability and will to love others. Kindness and compassion will always stand as the best trait of humankind. No number of good looks, intelligence, or money can ever beat a kind, empathetic personality. But, I believe to defeat the superficial standards and to return love to the purest form, we all must take the initiative to love even if we are not currently receiving love. Once more people start to spread love through simple, daily gestures, love will disperse. Therefore, we will all receive the love we have been desperately wanting. Let’s completely cover ourselves and the people around us in unconditional, true, and enlightening love. Author Eckhart Tolle said it perfectly, “Transforming ourselves will transform the world.” Blaming the world and society will not conquer evil, but changing the world by improving ourselves will. Even if we encounter hate or negative vibes, we can extinguish it at its core by choosing not to react and stimulate it. We all can conquer our fear of not receiving love by giving what we want to receive.

Another fear I experience is the fear of unhappiness. We often hear about the brevity of our lives. People tell us that no second should be wasted. They also tell us we cannot afford to have fake friends and/or bad experiences; and life is too short for us to live unhappily. Honestly, I never heard as much that suffering is inevitable. The truth holds that bad things will happen to us. If I heard this as much as the terrifying warning of life’s ephemerality, I would have started my journey to tranquility much sooner. It turns out, my thoughts determine if I will be happy. I realized that I will continue to exist despite whatever happens to me; and that I can endure almost any circumstance with a calm mind. I finally stopped relying on external entities to determine my happiness and took responsibility to rely on what I can control. I can control my thoughts. If I adopt a positive and encouraging mindset, happiness will rest within me. Recently, I became interested in Stoicism and found some phenomenal bits of wisdom. One of my favorite quotes from Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic, explains spot on the importance of our thoughts; “The happiness of life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” Yes, unfortunate circumstances beyond our control arise; but we can make an experience that seems impossible to bear tolerable by optimizing what we can control. The worry that we will never be happy hinders any possibility of happiness emerging. Become mindful of your existence and accept life as it comes.

Fear can make life difficult; but once we become mindful of our fears and examine them, our fears become an expedient to enlightenment. Our fears can make us question who we are, what we want, and how we hinder ourselves. We do not have to suffer. What seems as an obstacle, can become a pathway to our best selves, if we let it.