Just like everyone else in the entire world, I have a ‘story’ that I’d like to think would be worthy of one of those sympathetic highlights on "American Idol." I have waded through days of unhappy circumstances and been through the wringer, to put it nicely, but again, who hasn’t? Each and every single one of us has our demons to deal with and none of them are the same. That’s why it kills me when people compare their struggles to another person’s. We learn to accept differences and this is one that we need to consider. What someone goes through is not lessened or negated by the fact that someone else has gone through something more, and invalidating people’s pain can do a world of hurt.
To the people whose pain seems to get sidestepped by those who’ve been through ‘more:’ own your struggle because it is your own. Know that even though someone may be bruised more than you are, you still hurt and that pain is still real. You do not have to try to wipe away your scars because they don’t add up the way someone else’s does. The dots don’t have to connect to paint a pretty picture because sometimes, there aren’t beauties in struggles. That is not your story; that is not your hurt.
To the people who try to null and void other people’s emotions: you cannot tell someone how they feel. Wounds from being physically abused your entire life do not hurt worse than someone who has been mentally abused. We are all affected differently. You both can have your pain at the same time; there is no competition in this situation. Who wants to win at feeling bad anyway? Wear your scars proudly, if you so choose, but do not try to compare a paper cut to stiches because both can draw blood.
What I mean to say is that scars are scars. It doesn’t matter if they’re big, small, long, or short because all of them leave a mark. What’s funny is that no one notices our scars more than we do. The brief glance you take at the inconsistency in perfect painting of people can be a flaming S.O.S. on the person who is it adorned on.
Your struggles are a part of your truth and story. We all hurt in so many different ways that comparing them is near impossible and we need to stop trying. There are so many differences that we have started celebrating recently with race, gender, and identity, and this needs to be one of them. We need to celebrate that no two stories are going to be the same and you can’t grade someone’s emotions because no one else is feeling them, but the person going through it in that moment. Everyone’s struggles are different, and that’s OK.
