I'd certainly be lying if I said I hadn't spent many a night crying away my teenage broken heart to the sounds of Taylor Swift's guitar plucking break-up ballads. She played the soundtrack to my soul back in the day, and I'm still known to bop to an occasional catchy tune in the car.

I guess since she's never gotten caught sending nudes, parents find her a less offensive role model for their kids. As a result, they run to buy absurdly priced concert tickets while commenting on what a sweet, wholesome girl she is based on her staged publicity stunts like dancing around with her fans in onesie pajamas.

Love her or hate her, with her latest album scoring five top-ten hits, and her tour for said album grossing over $170 million, it's clear that she reaches a large audience of people. The problem that I find in all of this, is that I have yet to come across a single song of hers that depicts a healthy relationship.

Let's get it out of the way right now. I have no negative comments to make about her personal relationship history. She should be free to date as many people as she wants. There is no reason to shame her for doing the same thing that men in her industry are revered for. I am also not saying that she's at fault for the worlds relationship problems, she's really just a drop in the bucket, but the fact that young girls (and boys) are obsessively listening to lyrics that depict false love doesn't help in guiding them through a world that streams unhealthy relationships through every media outlet available.

Look, I get it, she's "telling it like it is" and her lyrics are relatable. I agree, but that in and of itself is where the problem lies. Because, particularly in the songs where she romanticizes dysfunction, listeners see that as reinforcement to continue their cycle of injurious connections.

This is in no way meant to belittle the cycle of abuse and how difficult it is to escape, but it is meant to make those who are knowingly in dead end relationships with deadbeats, think about the kind of nonsense they're not only putting up with, but chasing.

Let's examine some of Ms. Swifts most offensive lyrics involving l-o-v-e.

TS reality in I'm only me when I'm with you:

"I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying

To let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you"

Reality Check: Hold up, only up when they're not down? Jesus, this person sounds like the neediest. News flash, it is not your responsibility to shrink yourself for someone who refuses to keep up. If they're driving you crazy it's not a good look, trust me, you look crazy to everyone. And feeling insane is not charming, you don't need to be questioning yourself or limiting your happiness for the macabre tumor-human that has attached itself to your life. You have bigger problems to worry about, like the fact that your identity is tied to someone who needs constant convincing and reassurance of your authentic feelings. Cut the chord, regain your stability, and move on.

TS reality in The way I loved you:

"But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

And it's two a.m. and I'm cursing your name

You're so in love that you act insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kinda rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you"

Reality Check: K. WTF?! If you've never heard this song it literally depicts a perfectly healthy relationship with a stable, dependable person, and how she's still longing for the dysfunction of a former flame.

This is where people get into trouble that they can't find their way out of, mistaking bullshit for passion. "I just don't have that spark for the nice guy/girl" no no honey, you just don't allow yourself to feel anything. There is nothing wrong with the person that actually calls when they say they will and shows an interest in you, you are just emotionally attached to drama and turmoil and don't know how to make a relationship work without fighting and constantly feeling insecure. You don't fool me. If you want to continue being miserable fine, but don't get upset when no one wants to hear about the significant other that treats you like crap while you continuously walk all over the line of sweet, honest, suitors who would love to treat you with respect. Work it out. Sometimes you have to force yourself to love what's good for you. Eventually, you won't be forcing anything at all, but will find yourself happily in love with someone who you never have to wonder about. Love should make you feel secure. You'll thank yourself later.

TS reality in I knew you were trouble:

"I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that

And when I fell hard you took a step back

Without me, without me, without me

And he's long gone when he's next to me

And I realize the blame is on me"

Reality Check: Here we go. The bad boy/girl is charming for all of about five seconds, and here's why: They don't care about much, and they don't care about yo ass either. Which is perfectly depicted by the fact that when you reasonably come in hot with the feelings, they scatter. You cannot fix them, you cannot change them. That successfully happens in about 1/1000 cases, and no, movies do not count. Stop thinking your person is the exception, because they're most likely the rule, and you're wasting months of your precious time trying to make them into something they're not.

It's not your fault that they don't have the whole being-a-decent-person-in-a-functional-relationship thing figured out yet, but it IS your fault if you knowingly decide to stay along for the ride. If you need a thrill, go to Six Flag. Emotional roller coasters are not nearly as fun. You are not tall enough to ride that ride, so hope off.

TS reality in You belong with me:

"If you can see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know

Baby, you belong with me"

Reality Check: Sad. Little stalker-ish, and sad. Maybe you're not the one stuck in a crap storm of false love, maybe the object of your affections is, and that's a hard pill to swallow, but you need to grab some Gatorade and force it down because you do not need to be waiting around for a person who doesn't know you exist. Moreover, you DEFINITELY do not need to be treating yourself like a side piece who provides emotional support and validation to someone who gives nothing in return. That's not a relationship, that's you being a doormat, and you deserve better. Caring about someone should not come at the expense of your own sanity and happiness. Truly understanding that is the hard part, once you conquer that, you can do anything.

TS reality in Better than revenge:

"She's not a saint and she's not what you think

She's an actress, whoa

She's better known for the things that she does

On the mattress, whoa

Soon she's gonna find stealing other people's toys

On the playground won't make you many friends

She should keep in mind She should keep in mind

There is nothing I do better than revenge"

Reality Check: Hold up home girl, I'm gonna stop you right there. Here is where "the other person" comes into play and we need to get honest about it. Blaming them is just the first step in justifying you taking back your cheating loser of a boyfriend/girlfriend once they're bored with their current conquest and slink back to your door. Open your eyes, your s/o can only see another option if they're LOOKING for one. They're a cheating cheater who cheats, and no amount of calling the object of their cheating a hoe will change that. Your bf/gf should not be getting excuses while their partner gets assaulted because if you'd notice, they are not dating you, they are not responsible for being loyal to you or being considerate of your feelings, and in reality, they are really the least of your worries. Stop fixating on them and start focusing on the human sized pile of steaming garbage you need to take to the curb because it's stinking up your life.

The real problem with these all too common relationship faux pas comes not when we're 16 and naive, but when we're 26, and still can't find a healthy relationship to save our lives, or 36, and are in a relationship that is lacking in every way that matters. If your relationship is making you feel like crap even a quarter of the time, that's a red flag that you need to reevaluate some things.

Final thoughts:

First and foremost, a relationship is not necessary for ones happiness nor is it going to solve any of your problems, and if you treat it as such you'll repeatedly find yourself attracting the wrong kind of person. Remember, what you put out into the world comes back to you.

However, if you do find yourself stuck in a vortex of damaging relationships, stop before you hop into bed with the next Ted Bundy, and remember:

Stop dating the person who's already attached. If they "really wanted to leave them" they would have done it already. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Oh, and while you're at it, stay away from the one's who still have weird relationships with their ex's. If you're a rational person and it still makes you feel uneasy, there's probably a reason.

Stop dating the person you don't hear from for days. No one is that busy, they aren't making time for you. Period.

Stop dating the person who makes you feel like crap about yourself. Someone out there will adore every inch of you.

Stop dating the person who constantly makes you question the status of your relationship. On again, off again relationships are addicting because the presence of that person becomes a validation. My god, please don't do this to yourself. Someone who wants you will make it clear, and they will stick around. If they don't, you have nothing to wonder about, you have your answer.

and finally, puhlease stop listening to the media when they paint obsession and chaos as love. It's unhealthy and it will not get you anywhere you want to be.

Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing some of the most wonderful people I know tip toeing through relationships that bring them no joy, while making excuses and justifications to convince themselves why it's okay to stay. Loving and respecting yourself first will create a standard (no, not an unattainable standard that no one can meet) but rather one that ensures you are being treated like the wonderful person that you are, that deserves more than unanswered texts and mixed signals. You're so worthy of your own love it's insane, so why not start there?

PSA: I'm not a relationship counselor, so if you are in an abusive relationship and need help, PLEASE reach out to the many resources available to assist you in getting out safely.