If you are anything like me, you want everyone to like you. Even if you know this is so unrealistic, it is all you want in the world. You want a good reputation and for people to simply think you are a good person. However, with every choice you make, you think about how others will perceive you. Will they judge you? Will they talk badly about you?

I was stuck in this cycle where I was letting people make choices for me. I thought they had my best interest in mind, and they could make the best possible decisions for me. I was not in control of my own life, I was putting other people’s emotions and feelings before my own, and I thought it would ultimately work out.

Warning— letting people make choices for you results in nothing but unhappiness.

I was letting them tell me what was good for me, because I cared what they thought. I wanted to make them happy, I really did. I wanted them to like me and the choices I made, because then they had to think I was a good person right?

Doesn’t that sound crazy? That was my mindset.

I didn’t know why I was unhappy. I had let people control my life so much to the point where I didn’t even have thoughts anymore. I was so used to people persuading me and near-brainwashing me to do what they thought was best for me. Relationships, friendships, miniscule choices were not decided by me, but by a panel who thought they knew me better than anymore.

I care what people think. I’m guilty of that. As much as I want to be confident and independent, I want to be liked. I want to be seen as a good person.

Like I said earlier, it is so unrealistic to please everyone. Trying to do that results in a crazed-frenzy of running around trying to make everyone happy but yourself. Sure, everyone can come up to you saying they are happy for you and what you are doing, but are you happy? Do you think about how you feel?

I was so numb trying to make sure everyone around me was happy that I went to sleep every night feeling nothing. I would cry for no reason because it was so exhausting trying to be sure that everyone liked me. I cared too much about what they thought that it was controlling my life.

I would learn to put on a face. To not cry. To be sure to smile when people walked past me. To say “hello, how are you?” always. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see my friends around campus. But, it made me nervous if someone didn’t do it back or if I didn’t see someone who said it to me. Did they like me still?

This is not a way to live. You cannot put others’ happiness before your own. You have to live your life, try to ignore the judgements, because some people are not going to like you just for the sake of it. You have to think about you first. Do what makes you happy. Maybe not listen to a few people. If your gut tells you something, listen to it. That feeling of distress will never go away if you ignore how you feel.

Your happiness is the most important. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. It is a cliché, but when you start to not care what people think, your life becomes a lot better. A lot better.