You're tired of making mistakes, not doing your best all the time, trusting the wrong people, and wasting time. But what you should really be tired of is blaming yourself for these weaknesses. Perhaps you've been accustomed to blaming yourself for whatever you're not great at...maybe it lies in the way you've been raised or maybe it's just a "you" thing. Nonetheless, it is completely unfair and wrong of you to continuously put yourself down for the things you cannot control. You cannot control your happiness, sadness, anxiety, or mistakes. If you knew your words or actions would soon be referred to as "mistakes" would you even do them in the first place?
Instead, go ahead and make those mistakes as you continuously note them down and keep attempting to avoid them. It is perfectly fine to "mess up," as long as you're recognizing where exactly things are emotionally or physically harming you. You have the right to do the most "human" thing--which is to mess up. That is how you essentially learn and grow.
Here are a few ways you can work on understanding and improving yourself as you continue to grow in your journey.
1. Journaling
I used to journal a lot. Because of a heavy workload, stress, and anxiety, I was unable to journal for almost a year. I found myself struggling and suffering without any outlet--which made things even worse. I recently got back into journaling and it has somewhat "saved" me. When I read over some of my entries, it's so hard to believe that I've been suppressing so many thoughts and feelings in this body of mine. At times when I do go off tangent but that's the best part! Your journal won't get tired of you, won't ask you to get back on track, or sigh in annoyance. It's YOUR journal and you have the right to go off tangent, come back to the point, and speak your most unheard emotions. Give it a shot, and you'll realize that journaling will teach you more about yourself pretty quickly.
2. Interacting
This. Is. So. Important. As a person who is obsessed with loneliness and silence, I am currently stressing the importance of socially interacting with people. Even if you have trust issues, anxiety, or you're just a really quiet person--interacting with people will have you feeling differently, gradually. Interacting with my best friend from time to time, or when I'm going through something extremely hard to handle makes me feel saner in all honesty. Although I love being independent and telling people that I don't need anyone, more contact with the outside world makes me a better person. I have stopped caring about how those interactions will end. In fact, I truthfully do not care if someone doesn't care about me anymore. It's not my job to consistently wonder "does this person even care about me?" I find myself overthinking and over-stressing for something I have no control over. It's best to just interact with people you feel comfortable with but also give meeting new people a shot. Go on hangouts with your best friends, close friends, acquaintances, classmates, and even your coworkers. Go on dates and befriend, connect, or try to know new people. Interaction is key, it'll remind you that people do indeed notice you outside and want to get to know you...because you're that damn amazing.
3. The Three T's: Trying, Treating, and Timing
Trying: This is a never-ending process. At some points in life, you'll get so fed up of trying when nothing is going your way. But will you stop? No. And that's because you have an incentive to reach your goal no matter what happens. You ARE going to keep trying, you are going to keep getting up after each and every fall, tumble or hit. Trying is the only way you'll have the right to say as an elder, "hey Rob at least I tried. You didn't. In fact, I'm still trying..so get on my level haha!"
Treating: You went outside today, completed tasks, AND made time for your friend? You deserve to be treated. You went to that interview, (didn't or did) get the job, and worked hard? You need to be treated. As you continue to try and achieve, treat yourself along the way to remind yourself that you are working on yourself and are getting one step closer to your goal in life. Even if you're unsure about what that goal specifically is, keep working and treating yourself for the baby steps you're taking.
Timing: As you try and treat yourself you'll realize that there is a time for anything and everything. Rome wasn't built in a day. I am proud of each and every step you're taking to get to your goal of understanding yourself better, achieving, and growing.
