There is nothing more generic than asking, "Are you okay?" If you're asking someone that, you can already tell that they're not.

It's evident through body language, facial expressions, and a person's choice of words.

What I've realized is that asking if someone is okay only helps the person who asks the question. It's a cop-out. It puts you in the mindset that you "at least" tried to help. Bullsh*t.

We all know that if you ask someone this question, they're most likely going to answer, "I'm fine."

Again, bullsh*t.

Choosing to involve or invest yourself into someone else's well-being shouldn't be half-assed. You don't get a gold star for asking how someone is. In our society, it's just expected that you ask. No one really cares. It's just a formality.

So how about we change the narrative? It's easier than you think.

"How can I support you?"

"Do you need to talk or do you need space?"

"What can I do to ease the burden?"

Asking me, "Are you okay?" is a slap in the face. You know I'm not. But look at how the whole conversation can change if you take the time to choose a few more words.

People are more likely to give you a real answer to any of those questions. And maybe you're not the person they need at that moment. But odds are, if you actually know someone well enough, you know who they DO need. And by having an answer to just one of those questions, you can go find that person or do your best to be that person.

Caring needs to stop being selfish. Showing your support needs to stop being selfish. Life isn't about bragging about how you "helped" people. Life is about showing that you do help people.

I'm not always fine. But I'm going to keep saying it if you keep asking if I'm okay. Because a real friend, someone who cares about you and knows you, will know you're not.