As the spring semester of 2018 comes to a close, I decided to reflect on my past two years here at Stony Brook University.

When I finally had to make my decision of which college I would be attending in Fall 2016, I was not happy.

My first choice was too expensive and I was not lucky enough to receive a scholarship from them. The schools that did grant scholarships were still too expensive. And I had to think about my sisters, and whether or not I wanted to go to grad school.

I literally made the decision to attend Stony Brook the night before the deadline, and I was super duper upset. Like, no joke. I was so mad that I was crying. I didn't want to go to Stony Brook. It was my last choice for schools. It was on Long Island. Nope, I was not having any of it.

So, easy to say, the summer before my first semester was not a happy one. I was miserable. I didn't want to think about the fall or the next four years at all. I was so unhappy with my decision that I was already looking into transferring.

Keep in mind, I hadn't even started my first semester yet.

Coming into Stony Brook I was still upset. I didn't know anyone for one thing. And sure, I wouldn't have known anyone at any other school, unless I decided to apply and go to SUNY Binghamton and spend the next four years with the same students I spent K-12 with. But at least I would've been excited about attending and meeting new people. I can't say I was excited about having to interact with others once arriving on campus.

My first year was a mess, especially the first few months. I was calling my mom every day because I didn't have many friends. Thank God I'm close enough to home that I can go back on the weekends. I was slapped in the face with the fact that even though I was an honor and AP student in high school, it didn't mean that it would be as simple in college. My first semester GPA was not where I wanted it to be. The second semester was a bit better but there were some problems with the friends I did make.

But I digress.

My second year was a lot better. I decided that I no longer wanted to go to medical school, so peace out pre-med path. It was nice knowing you. I had realized that not being able to keep up with my chemistry and math classes were one source of serious stress and so I decided to put my mental health first. Sure, I was upset that I was doing that, just because I have been talking about going to medical school for as long as I could remember. But I knew that it was for the best. Also, I did better academically once I no longer had to take any of the pre-med courses.

My second year also consisted of me auditioning and making the Deja Vu Dance Troupe on campus. Mind you, I've always had stage fright, so our first official performance at the Seawolves Showcase was quite an experience. Sure, I had performed in high school with my orchestra, but this was different. It was doing something I really loved and messing up was not in the cards, especially at this performance where the Staller Steps are literally packed.

Joining Odyssey was also a big part of my second year at Stony Brook. I joined because I love writing, even though it comes with various writer's block sessions. I joined because it allowed me to have a voice, regardless if anyone reads my material. I joined because I wanted to part of a community on such a large campus.

My former roommate, my friends who live in my building yet somehow we manage to never really see each other unless it's a blue moon, my Odyssey team and my girls on the team have really made the second year worth it. Y'all know who you are.

I'm not gonna lie and say that I love Stony Brook University and that if I had to do it all over I would go through all the nonsense and choose Stony Brook. Because I'm not quite sure I would. But I'm also not gonna say that I hate Stony Brook. Because I don't. The classes are great, the people are great and honestly, I'm cool with that. I like being close enough to home that I'm able to go back whenever, but I also like the fact that I'm far enough that my parents would go out of their way to visit me (because they won't, trust me.)

Stony Brook has seen my ups and downs and you bet it's gonna see more in the following two years.

I'm just glad that I won't be alone. And that I'm in a good enough place that Stony Brook is what I refer to as my second home when I'm at home.

So that's that. Stony Brook has been a time. I just need these geese to stop screeching at everyone and everything.