Stillborn. Miscarriages. Infant Loss. These words can make any room go silent, no one wants to discuss these topics, but, today, I am.

I, myself, have never lost a child and I will never understand what the mother/father feels when they lose their child. But, I have lost a niece and I do understand that pain.It was a perfect day in March of 2015, My sister-n-law had went to the doctor, she thought it was going to be another normal ultrasound and hopefully, scheduling a day to be induced. All the family was excited to be welcoming another baby girl to make the family more complete.

Instead of hearing "oh, the baby is measuring perfectly." or "Oh, she is doing wonderful." My sister-n-law heard the words that no doctor nor nurse ever wants to say to a soon-to-be mother or any soon-to-be mother wants to hear. " We are sorry. There is no heart beat." These words can absolutely ruin you and that is exactly what it did to this family.After hearing those awful words, the only thing my sister-n-law knew to do was call all of the family.

Make sure everyone could come to the hospital and visit, because we all knew that once the funeral directors came, that would be the last time we could hold, kiss, or cuddle that perfect baby girl who was suppose to complete our family.My brother was completely broken. Yes, we do still have my oldest niece, but Baby Bryanna was suppose to complete my brother's family.

My brother was speechless, he didn't know how to react. He had just found out that he had lost his child. His precious baby girl who he was looking forward to spoiling. Briella, only being two years old didn't know what was going on. She wanted to meet "baby sister" as she called her, she didn't want anyone, but her baby sister. How do you tell a 2-year-old that her baby sister is dead? How do you explain that she won't get to play with her little sister like she was looking forward too? You don't, no matter how you explain it, she'll never understand why everyone is crying and why her baby sister isn't here with the rest of us.

The funeral was one of the toughest I had ever attended. No one knew how to comfort us, no one knew what to say. Everyone was walking on egg shells around us, scared that the slightest thing would cause one of us to snap. Nothing broke my heart more than seeing my brother cry. A grown man who I had only seen cry once was breaking down and crying uncontrollably. Or hearing/seeing Briella point to the tiniest pink casket I had ever seen and say, "baby sister! baby sister!"

I thought I'd save this for last. Out of all the family, I was the only person who didn't get to hold and cuddle my sweet niece. I didn't have a way, I was home alone, I had called all my family and friends. The family was already at the hospital, which was close to two hours away. All my friends were busy or in school. I didn't get a chance to truly meet my sweet niece. I didn't get a chance to hold her. I didn't get a chance to kiss her. I didn't get a chance to tell her how much I love her. It is one of my biggest regrets.

Losing my niece has taught me so much about life. Never take anything for granted. Spend time with your family and enjoy every moment with them. I know it was not my fault, nothing I did nor my sister-in-law caused my sweet niece to be called home, but yet, every day when I wake up, I blame myself all over again. I blame myself for not being there to hug and kiss her or tell her goodbye. I blame myself for not being there to hold Briella and remind her what an amazing big sister she would have been. I blame myself for not being there to hug my older brother and wipe his tears.

Here it is, August of 2016, it has been exactly one year and five months since my niece left us and the pain is still here. The family is broken, the family will never be the same. I still regret not being there. Briella still wants her baby sister. And, everyday, I look down and see her tiny foot prints on my arm. Yes, I am one of those aunties who get their niece's/nephew's foot prints. When I look down and as those tiny footprints on my forearm, I know that she is with me at all times. I know she would have been the most loved baby in the entire world.

You are not alone in this fight. Whether you've lost a niece, nephew, daughter or son, we understand what you're going through and we are here for you.

Stillborn; Still loved.

"Today could have been the day that you blow out your candles, make a wish as you close your eyes. Today could have been the day everybody was laughing. Instead, I sit here and cry. Who would you be? What would you look like when you looked at me for the very first time? Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life. Not a day goes by I don't think of you, I'm always asking why. It's crazy what I had to lose. Such a ray of light that we never knew. Gone. Too. Soon." - Gone Too Soon, Daughtry