Recently, I read an article that talked about how if your significant other asks for your father's permission to marry you, then you shouldn't be marrying him. Just by the article's title, I disagreed with it, but I decided to see what the author had to say. She goes on and talks about how her own fiancé didn't ask her father's permission before proposing to her. She then continued on to say that asking for permission has a "massive historical problem behind it" and goes into detail about how daughters used to be viewed as their father's property. She also states that nowadays, by the time that most people get engaged, they are moved out of their family home, have a job and can support themselves. Her argument is that they are old enough to make their own decisions and no one should dictate who they can and cannot marry.
She makes a valid point, but I also think that she is taking it way out of context. As a society, we have traditions that have evolved from past practices; asking the father's permission to marry his daughter is one of them. What she said about a daughter's status in the household is true, but that isn't necessarily the case in today's day and age.
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A sense of independence is key to a healthy life, but this isn't about independence. This is about respect. I love my dad and I am grateful for everything that he has done for me throughout my life. I never ever want to disappoint him or let him down. I respect his opinions. When the time comes and I find a man decides that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I want him to ask my dad for his blessing. Normally, I don't date anyone that my family doesn't like, so if a man talks to my dad before proposing to me, I see that as a sign of respect. Odds are that if my dad didn't like the guy I was dating, the relationship wouldn't have even been a thing in the first place.
She also goes on to call the practice "sexist" because traditionally, the mother is left out of the conversation. Again, while she has a good point, she's reading way too into it. If my mom wants to be a part of the conversation, she would put herself into it and my dad wouldn't even question it. Twisting this sign of respect into feminist complaint irks me. I, much like the author, am a grown-up. I know how to make decisions and I know what is good for me, but just because that might be so doesn't mean I don't want my dad's blessing on my marriage.
She ends her article with the statement: "Sorry, but I don’t want to have a marriage with someone who thinks that my dad’s opinion is more important than mine." Who said that asking for a blessing means that your dad's opinion is more important than yours? It's as simple as asking to excuse yourself from a business meeting to use the restroom or raising your hand to ask a question at a press conference. You do it to be respectful.
When it comes down to it, if you really detest the idea of your boyfriend asking your dad for his blessing, then talk to him about it when you feel the time is right, but don't you tell me that it is a "sexist practice" because I respect my father.
