Can you imagine living a life where you're constantly filled with worry, consistently going on an emotional rollercoaster, unable to adjust to small stressors, nervous, hopeless and forgetful? Can you imagine waking up one morning and not understanding why you're feeling a certain way? Trying your hardest to be happy, yet nothing is working? Crying because you're so happy that it hurts? You feel so happy that you take big risks, don't feel the need to sleep, recklessly spend money, and wind up doing things that you'll regret later?
I've lived this life for some time now, and I'm not actually sure when it all began. I spent some time suffering before I was able to be diagnosed over the course of 4 years. I would assume that my temperament and behavior started to change in about 7th grade, I was hospitalized for the first time; scariest experience ever! At the time, I was diagnosed with PTSD, but things began to worsen. Most of the time, I wasn't even sure why I was feeling or acting a certain way. High school approached, and my moods would swing far more noticeably and frequently. Eventually, I was diagnosed with anxiety and mood disorders. I hated myself, I felt so "crazy" and incompetent! I was able to do well in class on most days, yet I battled myself everyday. In and out of the social worker's office, life still felt "heavy", behind closed doors, I was an emotional whirlwind.
High school ended and I was still facing many "breaking points". I left high school thinking that I would do better in a different environment, but so many new things blew me away! I couldn't focus in class, I was faced with my past mistakes, I was saddened by a situation within my family, I was new to college, I was afraid of unforeseen financial conundrums, and just worrying about too much! I quickly lost sight of everything around me and I wasn't really sure why I was here.
I wanted to leave, to just go far from everything and everyone that I had come to know. I was hospitalized again, and this time, I was diagnosed with Adjustment disorder and anxiety disorder. I was given medication to "help" me, but instead, made me feel like death was so near. I could barely catch my breath at times, sometimes I just cried and wanted to avoid class, I would yawn about 20 times a day and lose my breath, I stayed up until the sun rose on some days...without feeling tired, I couldn't eat, and I was constantly in a minor state of confusion.
Recently, I've started to do much better, but here and now, I still feel like I've been slapped by sadness. I think about the changes in my life, and feel sad, but nothing too bad. Just think about it, I'm not the only one in the world faced by any kind of psychological disability. I'm completely normal and worthy of loving. I'm just like anyone else, except my emotions are magnified at times. Too often, we "walk on eggshells" around people like me, but...we're just people! We understand that we can be a bit moody, can be randomly shy on days, and outgoing the next, but we want to be treated just like anyone else! You don't have to treat us like fragile beings, you don't have to always let me have my way, just treat me equally and I'll be happy!
Did you know that "Approximately 20.9 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a mood disorder."
Did you know that "Recent research suggests that as many as 1 in 6 young people will experience an anxiety condition at some point in their lives, this means that up to 5 people in your class may be living with anxiety, whether that be OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), social anxiety and shyness, exam stress, worry or panic attacks."
"About one in 10 Americans aged 12 and over takes antidepressant medication."
