You've probably read some contemporary poetry on Twitter or Tumblr, people trying to sound like a punk mix of E.E. Cummings and Ginsberg, composing 140 character haikus about toilets and birds and thinking they're the next generation of greatness. "Wow," you say to yourself, "I sure do wish I could write like that!" Well, good news! It's easy! Here are 10 steps to composing the perfect contemporary trash.

1. Throw away the dictionary.

Gender isn't real and neither are words.

2. And the thesaurus.

Hemingway is smiling down upon you.

3. Capital letters are the devil.

Good ole e.e. didn't need 'em, so why do you?

4. Unless placed in the middle of the sentence.

Because you're not just talking about truth, you're talking about Truth.

5. Or At The Beginning Of Every Word.

Channel the spirit of Jaden Smith.

6. No rhymes? No problem!

Pronunciation is arbitrary, anyway.

7. Do drugs once.

Then base everything you write about drugs around that one experience. What's the difference between pot and cocaine, anyway?

8. Punctuation impedes the soul.

Your emotions don't have time for commas!

9. Cry.

It looks good on the manuscript.

10. And remember that you are God's gift to literature.