We live in this world where we have to paint this picture that everything is right in the world and that we are okay. Well, I am here to say “No” to that. I am writing this to say that I am not okay. For the past few weeks, I have been dealing with a few personal issues, and it all just blew up about two weeks ago, when I wrote about being depressed and feeling that life is extremely difficult.
I feel like the universe is always kicking me down when I really don’t need it, so how did I know I began to feel depressed? I lost motivation to do things such as reading, homework, even writing for Odyssey, etc. I started to gain weight, I’ve also been crying, mainly at night, when I let my thoughts consume the hell out of me. Depression can lead to low self-esteem, loss or increase in appetite, and, in some cases, suicide.
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Now, I’ve experienced two out of the three of these, and in order to get myself out of this rut, I have had to take a few safety measures. I hope, whoever is reading this, that it helps you too:
1. Tell your family and friends.
When I wrote my post about being depressed, I posted it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I had 24 missed calls, about 15 text messages, and three voice mails. I had worried my friends to the point where my parents were involved. Granted, I didn't expect anyone to notice it, but someone did, and my friends were in a frenzy, trying to help and figure out what was wrong. I made a few calls and the situation died down. However, I was still having to deal with the aftermath and the discussion of speaking to someone. Which leads me to number two:
2. Speak to a counselor.
When you go to see a counselor for the first time, it can be nerve-wracking. You’ll feel as if they’re just going to judge you or tell you that you’re insane and that it’s all in your head, like others do. That isn’t always the case. I've seen counselors off and on since high school and it has helped me plenty of times. They don’t make me feel like I’m “crazy” or that it’s all in my head, and they’re honest about their feelings. About two months before my depression hit an all-time low is when I saw a counselor, and our conversation was incredible—I laughed, I held back tears, and I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. That session was well needed. She understood me, my struggles, and gave me the advice I needed. I made a promise to go see her more, but never had the time. So this time around, I’ve been making more of an effort. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s nice to be around someone who is neutral, who can give me advice and help me see the other side of arguments and others’ views. You should find someone who is nonjudgmental and can really help you with the issues and problems you have.
3. Be honest with yourself.
You’re hurting. You’re upset. You’re frustrated and you feel as if the world is constantly ripping you a new one. Just when you think life is okay, things get worse. It happens. However, it isn’t okay to just cover up your sadness or these thoughts of even taking your life. You can try all you want, but eventually, you have to face reality and say, “I am not okay. I am not happy and I need to speak to someone about this.” You need to open up and be honest with yourself. Or else, things will get worse.
4. Throw yourself into your hobbies/school.
Throwing yourself into hobbies and into school is the best thing you can do. During my state of depression, when I was dealing with breaking down every single night, I turned to music or even writing in my journal, which I hadn’t done in months. Now I write in it almost every night, or participate in my new favorite activity—working out. Find a hobby or do activities that benefit you in many ways—mentally, physically, emotionally, academically. I recently got a gym membership to Planet Fitness, and I decided that every time I felt unhappy or stressed out, I would head to the gym and work out all that frustration. So far, it has been helpful, and I feel better every time I go. Along with writing and working out, I have become more dedicated to school.
5. Give yourself some time to heal, homie.
It is a process. You can’t just wake up one day and say, “I’m better now.” Depression doesn’t work that way. It takes time. For some, it takes months. For others, it could take years, but the outcome is always worth it—you are happier, healthier, and better than when you first started. I am still in the process of moving forward and learning how to be happy again, and believe me when I say this, it is not easy. There are times where you want to cry and you do overthink, and you start to think that your life doesn’t matter, but believe me when I say this—it does. Your life is incredibly important, and if you decided to take your life, those that are close to you and have interacted with you before will be affected horribly. Which leads me to my final point.
6. Know that you are never alone.
Your life has affected those around you for so long, so it does make sense and it is right to say that you are never alone. Your loved ones, your teachers, your classmates, old and present, even your coworkers would be affected by your depression, and the idea of not having you around really does hurt them. So, when you are thinking about taking your life, think about those who love you, care about you, and are grateful to have you in their lives. They are your support system and will be there for you no matter what.
Now that I have given you my steps toward dealing with your sadness, I hope you (or whoever you know that is dealing with Depression) can work towards bettering yourself.
Also, if you or someone you know is feeling depressed and/or suicidal, please call the following number:
Feeling Kinda Blue: 1-866-728-7983.
Or clink on this link here to see a list of different hotlines for different countries.
Look, sh*t happens. But just remember: you are strong and you will get through this.
