I am really sorry that you're going through all this right now, but you need to understand that it's going to pass. I know you're struggling; I know that it seems like the world is caving in on you, but at the end of the day it's going to be okay.
Mental illness is no joke; you better strap in because it's going to be one Hell of a ride. Life is going to throw things at you that you're not quite sure you'll be able to field. You're going to get through it though. How? You just will.
The first step in this journey to dealing with all of this is inevitably the most difficult. Crudely put, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are treating yourself like shit, you're not taking your medication, you're not prioritizing yourself, you're accepting defeat. Before you landed on the brilliant idea of letting your white flag fly, you were a functional person. You had dreams, hopes, plans. You were going to change the world, but you let something change that. You know what changed it, you did.
You made the conscious decision to focus on the bad rather than the good. For some reason, the four things that didn't go as planned have outweighed the hundreds of things that went just right. You woke up this morning, your lungs continues to breathe, your heart continues to pump blood through your body. As you started your day, the water in the shower was hot, you hadn't run out of toothpaste yet, your clothes were clean and fresh from the dryer. When you left the house to get where you're trying to go, your car started, you didn't crash, the rain and wind did not throw you from the road. You got to your destination, people smiled at you, you accomplished the task. But no, you hit a pothole on the road, your shirt got a stain on it, someone did not greet you this morning. Everything did not go as planned, and that's out of your control, sure.
Mental illness is no joke, and I am the last person who is going to diminish your struggle. I acknowledge that you are fighting a battle that is far different from the battle anyone else is fighting. You have people in your corner, sure, but at the end of the day, the only person who has the power against your mental illness is yourself. Modern medication is amazing, and take it because it will help the physiological issues that need addressing, but sheer willpower will help you get through anything.
Take the opportunities that are presented to you, tell someone how you're feeling, let people in. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and for once, start believing in yourself.
