Being a stepparent is far more likely a possibility in recent years than it has been for decades. With the divorce rate on an upward trend, you are more likely to get together with someone that has children then you are to marry someone you met in High School. That being said, it needs to be stated that the media has never made being a stepparent a glorious thing. When every stepfather is a raving murderer and every stepmother a cold-hearted slave driver, it makes it difficult for people to be willing to take on someone else's children as their own.

I have been a stepdad for almost 10 years to my three children. I got the kids when the youngest was 9-years-old. I will not lie and tell you the experience was all "Care Bears" and rainbows. But I can honestly say that these kids are my kids and no one will be able to tell me otherwise.

As a stepparent for almost a decade I can offer some helpful advice:

1. You will hear, "You're not my mother/father!"

Do not be afraid. It will surface at least once in your career as a parent of someone else's children. But fear not. I have the perfect response for you when this does show up: "I may not be your mother/father, but I am an adult and you will respect me."

Admittedly the response is not the easiest for you or the child, but it is the truth.

2. Don't cause drama

If the biological parent is part of the children's lives, do you best to be at least civil if not friendly. Your child will thank you in the long run.

If at all possible, do your best not to cause any more drama for this child that you can. This child is already going through enough without you as the new parent making their life even harder. You may hate the original parent or the child may call them names. Do not fall into the habit of joining in. My own daughter calls her biological father her "sperm donor," but there was a period where they talked for a while and she liked him for a time. Moods will change, situations will turn 180 on a new parent in a heartbeat.

3. You will work twice as hard as the actual parent. Period.

The original parents will have that automatic bond with their child — even if they are not in their lives. Everyone, including the children will give their biological parents far more leeway when it comes to what happens than a stepparent will ever receive.

The children will always listen to their actual parents more often, believe they will change and, in general, give them far more credit then a stepparent will ever get. It is just the sad, cold truth. (This is only in effect for around the first five years of the children's lives).

But all is not lost. The child may give their actual parents more leeway, but if you have done your job right, those children will cherish you as an actual parent or even more than that. Just bite your tongue and know that your parental reckoning is on the horizon.

4. As a stepparent, you have fewer rights than the biological parents.

When it comes to most states, stepparents are not counted for many services where the actual parents are automatically included, such as...

Food Stamps

As far as DHS is concerned you as a Step Parent do not count in getting food for the house. The state is more than happy to let you pay for them. But not into letting you count and give more money for food in the house is a no go. Also...

Cash aid

It works almost the same as Food Stamps, but now you get less money.

5. The biological parent can always fight you for the children if your spouse dies.

If your spouse should happen to leave this world early, the biological parent does have the right to fight the stepparent for custody. Yes, the person who has had little-to-no involvement in your child's life (depending on circumstances) has the right to fight you for custody. To someone who has cared for their children without the person that should have been doing it for so long, the idea of them swooping in and taking them away is insulting. But the option is a necessary evil.

As a stepparent that has been taking care of the child for a span of time, the courts would be hard-pressed to give the custody away even to the biological parent. But the possibility is present.

But! Now that all the more interesting parts for step-dom is addressed, enjoy your time with your children. Be their best friend, their better reason and their voice of sanity when their world has gone to pieces. There are far more great times then there are bad times. When they remember to make you cards for the respective holidays; When they ask you to hold your step-grandchildren; And, if you're lucky, there will come a time where the "step" on your title does not exist to them.

Cherish those moments and hold them close for even biological parents have to learn to let their children grow up. It's just harder for us stepparents that didn't get to have them for very long before they left the nest.

Happy parenting — all kinds of parenting.