Ever since I was very little, I have been known for jumping at the littlest things. My sister's band performances, thunder, people entering a quiet room that I am in, people coughing or sneezing in a quiet room, or the occasional loud bangs of everyday life. Basically, anything and everything scared me then and it really hasn't gotten better as I have gotten older. It really has affected the way I am seen by the people around me. Even my family gets annoyed sometimes, gets mad, or makes fun of the numerous jumping episodes. But I can't help it. No matter the number of counseling sessions I go to control whatever is happening inside me, the jumping will still persist.
That's anxiety for you.
It's frustrating to not know what exactly is happening because no matter how calm I am in the moment or preoccupied with another task I will most probably still jump. I've done my own research to see if I could figure out the cause of it and to I guess be reassured in some way that I am not alone in doing this. Turns out, I am not alone. The "startle easily" symptom, as I said is a symptom of anxiety and is considered an active stress response. Meaning hormones in my body are higher because of some stressor or outside stimulation that kicks in the fight or flight response and sends my body jumping inches above the ground at the littlest sounds. I have not pinpointed all the stressors in every given situation, as some of them seem like the easiest silliest tasks that should not be stressful for me and don't seem to be in the moment. But I know for sure that something is happening internally that I am not aware of.
I'm determined to find out what is the cause and to find strategies to calm down these nerves. But please to everyone who laughs at me, yells at me, or tells me I am crazy please stop. It's funny and I laugh with you the first time and maybe even the second time, but after that it gets rude and I don't appreciate it even when it looks like it does not bother me. But also, on the other hand, do not treat me like I'm a fragile doll and cannot be approached. Come into my study room when I'm doing homework, come talk to me when I'm sitting alone doing nothing, invite me to see fireworks, invite me to go see a loud suspenseful movie with you. Just know that I may jump, if something unexpected happens. But I am just fine.
