I've said many times when I was younger that I never wanted to get married. I've said for a long time that I didn't believe in marriage or even the simple concept of being in love. I believed for a long time that being in love wasn't real and that no one will ever stay in love with you. To this day, I still am not sure that I believe that someone will forever be in love with you, but one night my mentality towards marriage and love was altered.
I am only 20, and I am actively looking for love. I want to find the man I will marry. I say this now because one day I looked around me and realized that I wanted a boyfriend. Throughout high school I had boyfriends, but it was never anything serious that lasted for too long. When I turned 20, I had already been working on myself and my relationship with God. I had been working on my prayer. I try to pray everyday, and then one day I had a thought about wanting a boyfriend, which was a big deal for someone as independent as myself.
That day I prayed.
I prayed to God to send a man into my life. Not any man, but that man I would marry. I didn't feel like the man I was going to marry was already in my life, or at least not a big part of it. I want the man I am going to marry to come into my life, get to know me, and love me for me. I didn't ask for a man that looked a certain way or had certain things in life. I want the young man I am going to marry to be a part of my life. To be young with me. To be filled with freedom with me. I want this man to be in my life before we do the marriage thing. I want us to be young together which crazy for each other.
I pray for the man I will marry as much as I pray for myself, which is a lot. I have couples that I look up to. I don't idolize couples or ever say, "Oh, now that is my relationship goals." I don't believe that is smart to try and live my life like someone else, especially not my love life. I believe that I will find my own "relationship goals" within myself and the man I marry. I believe that since I started praying for God to send me my future husband into my life I do feel differently about love. Plus, the day after I started praying for my future husband I got the idea that I know who God has planned for me. I may be wrong, but I will try my best on my search for love. I am God's before I am my husband's.
I look forward to having my future husband in my life, and hopefully I will start dating him soon. God already knows who I will marry, and I am trusting him. He will be the joy in my life, and when he decides it is time I will be with the man I will marry.
