A long time ago, I wrote an Odyssey article about why we don’t need to start dating again, and part of the reason why I chose to write that was because of an article that someone I graduated with shared on Facebook, “We Need To Start Dating Again” Recently I saw it had resurfaced. I remember reading it around this time last year and literally laughing out loud at how unrealistic it sounded to me.
At the time, I was a 19-year-old college freshman who has recently just gotten over someone I thought would be the person described in the article, a total gentleman, and a real relationship. The last thing in the world that I wanted at that time in my life was someone to date, someone to shake my dad’s hand, I thought that boys like this were myths. I would make fun of people who honestly believed that they found their soulmates in college, because they were so, so beyond wrong.
Let’s face it, dating is not what it used to be, but that doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing. There is a stigma that true gentlemen who want take a girl on a date should first come into her house, meet the parents, shake the father’s hand, and those who don’t are clearly uncultured and will never be boyfriend contenders.
I am turning 21 this year. I live away from my parents eight months out of the year. I have my own house next year. I work 40 hours a week in the summer. And, I am not alone. Most people that I know have jobs and live on-campus at college. This generation is more emotionally and physically independent than our parents were, and that obviously has a huge effect on almost every aspect of our lives. We go out on our own, we meet people on our own, and we decide who to date on our own. Let’s be honest, not every first date has a second. Why go through the uncomfortable formality of meeting the parents when the date itself is not formal?
My parents are two of my best friends. They are everything that I hope to be for my children: supportive, funny, open-minded, non-judgemental, and kind. They have raised me to be a good judge of character and to be independent. The fact is, my mom and dad don’t need to meet every guy that comes into my life. They don’t need to decide if he is a good person or not, because they taught me to do that myself, and they believe in me enough to let me decide if a guy is boyfriend material or not. And when I do make a mistake (and I make them, daily), they are there to listen. They are there to help me decide where to go from there. My dad is not the dad in movies who threatens to bury every guy that does his little girl wrong in the backyard, and my mom is not one to drive to a boy’s house and have a conversation over coffee with his mother about how to resolve whatever fight we had the night before. My dad is the person who taught me to tell any guy that treats me as less than I deserve to shove it, my mom is the person who showed me how to gracefully move on from people who do not appreciate me.
Dating someone is not a contest to win or an accomplishment to broadcast. It is not something that has to be shown off or posted all.over.social.media. It is something that you learn about as you go. I don’t think it’s quite fair to say “we need to start dating again”, because people never stopped dating. Times are different than they used to be, and social norms change overtime. It’s okay to go on a date with someone that maybe you wouldn’t bring to Thanksgiving dinner. It’s college, it’s supposed to be fun and easy to meet people. Having high expectations doesn’t mean you should stop yourself from having fun.
