I restarted this article at least a dozen times. I would begin to type something and then immediately pound the delete button on my laptop. It is not often that I am at a loss for words. And yet, I sat and stared at my computer, my finger lay still on top of my keyboard as my brain searched and stuttered for the right thing to say.

There is no right thing to say. What has happened in the last week, the last month, the last year, is despicable and discouraging. In the last week, we saw multiple deaths from citizens to police. It was streamed across the news, social media, our phones. And it’s not the first time this has happened. There have been over 7,000 gun related deaths this year alone. About 170 of those were from the gun of an officer, and 950 from the gun of a perpetrator.

Why are we killing one another? It is not a primal need. It is not required that we kill our neighbor to survive. Not only are we experiencing a surge of hate and violence, but we are facing an epidemic of apathy.

I received a news notification on my phone that police were being shot at during a peaceful protest this week. I saw the notification. I picked up my phone. But that was it. Once the words that flashed across my screen flashed through my brain, my fingers were moving with dexterity to open the next app to see who had posted what. I know I’m not the only one who has done that.

It’s not that it isn’t upsetting. It’s not that I don’t want things to change. It’s just that I see it so often that it becomes difficult to see it as any different than the last breaking news. The faces and names of the victims begin to blur together until they are no longer individuals but rather groups of people lost to terrible heartache. This isn’t right.

I, we, should feel more. Do more. Act more. It’s not enough to send a tweet or post a status on Facebook anymore. It takes action. It takes sweat and tears. When I get notifications, my veins should ignite with fire and fury and passion. Instead, only my phone’s screen catches flame.

That’s the kicker, right? We are so interconnected that change of mind, perspective and social understanding should happen quickly, seamlessly. It’s plausible. Instead, we use the things that could be our heroes as our messengers so we can say we heard first, rather than stood up first.

But we could change that.

If we work together and utilize what we have, we can spread awareness. Demand change. Bad police will not stop making bad decisions until good police stand tall. Bad people will not stop making bad decisions until good people link arms.

My hope for the future is that one day, I will be able to say I am proud of my country. Of my peaceful country. My hope for the future is that my children will look at this time in history and say that we did a good job. That we were united. That we were unstoppable.

My hope for the future is that I will never have to look at my computer with my hands resting on the keyboard simply unable to find the words because I cannot comprehend the problem.