Here's what your favorite Starbucks order says about you.

Black coffee

Why do you even come to Starbucks? You're clearly invested in coffee for the sake of caffeine and caffeine only. Brew at home and save yourself approximately $500000000000 over the course of your lifetime. You rely on coffee as a tool for productivity and not much else.

Frappucino

You're 12. Or it's Happy Hour and you want something sweet. But you're probably 12.

Vanilla latte

You too appreciate the utility of coffee as a means to getting things done but the idea of pouring boiling tar down your throat does not sound appealing and you've yet to develop the taste buds necessary to make that ok.

Single shot of espresso

You got less than an hour of sleep last night and don't want to die on your way to work so you're looking for the most efficient way to wake up. Also, you probably think the cups are cute.

Soy latte

You saw Cowspiracy and didn't look back. How dairy you?

Chai

You're that person who eats an entire pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving with no shame and you spend the rest of the year pouring it down your throat in liquid form.

Chai tea

Same as above, but you don't know what chai means.

Dirty chai

You have needs for caffeine far outstripped by your love for unbearably sweet drinks that 12-year-olds won't drink.

Matcha water

You're basic and desperately trying to get the cheapest drink you can in the form of green tea powder.

Americano

You want to drink out of the tiny cup but don't want heart palpitations from actual espresso.

Cappucino

You saw a movie about Italy once and are desperately trying to relive the experience.

Venti breve latte half-caf two pumps vanilla one pump hazelnut one thing of honey sprinkle of Splenda

You ask to speak to the manager.

Any seasonal latte

I can feel you planning your Instagram caption. I hope the barista misspells your name.