It's 12:08 a.m. My fingers hover above a blue ombre keyboard and they can't help but click "delete" one too many times. I can't focus. It's a summer night and the most educational experience I've had all summer was typing articles that I think people will actually read. This article was due two days ago. If you can relate to extreme levels of "my life is a mess" and procrastination syndrome, here are some ways to keep doing you and slide by anyways (with minor casualties).
Stages of Procrastination:
Stage 1: Acknowledgement
The first step in today's lesson of procrastination is to acknowledge the fact that you have a deadline. Then promise yourself that you will achieve your due goal in time with no solidified time to accomplish the task.
Stage 2: Forget
Wake up on a Friday morning, eat avocado toast, do your two mile run then Beyonce ab workout routine, jump in the shower and midway through shampooing, remember that you have something to do today but can't put your finger on it.
Stage 3: Later
After your "dilly dally," halfway through classical art memes and chill with you and your phone on Facebook, have a moment of revelation and remember that you have an article due today. Tell yourself that you will get to it later tonight.
Stage 4: Denial
Deep, deep down, your evil conscience let's you know that you won't get to it but that's okay. Don't actually let that thought infest your mind. In that same night, drive for two hours, get stuck in 6p.m. traffic, go paddle boarding, catch a sunset, sit on the hood of a car, glimpse a view of the city from 'the spot', make out, drive home, miss your curfew and fall asleep with more than half of your limbs hanging off the bed.
Stage 5: Buffer
This is the stage where you spend the rest of the next day too tired to wake up from the previous night. Do nothing all day. Sit down in bed with a cup of coffee and get comfortable. Realize you can't think straight enough to write a meaningful article about the relation between religion and human compassion. Go through a whole album of Tame Impala and Mac DeMarco. Don't forget to stare at a blank screen for 15 minutes. It's a crucial part of the process.
Stage 6: GO TIME
Fear not, this is the part where you use your (maybe non existent) wit to write about your comical current situation in a way that you hope is relatable and pray that your editors will show compassion. The coffee kicks in and you somehow miraculously pull off a mediocre article in less than an hour.
Stage 7: Never Again
Have a life changing moment and tell yourself that you will not procrastinate again. Know that you need to change the way you handle "life". Then repeat all the steps above again.
P.S. I love you editors.
