This is a shout out to that guy that absolutely broke you. You thought that your relationship would last forever and that there was absolutely no reason to go looking for another man. He may have been a co-worker, a frat boy you had a crush on, a Tinder match, or a high school ex-boyfriend. Whoever they were, they broke your freaking heart into a million and a half pieces.
Thank you for making me an independent awesome human being. I thought I was going to lose my mind when we broke up. I’m sorry, but any female who has had their heart broken would agree. This is not an open letter to why I am crazy, this is an open letter to say thank you for breaking my heart. Here is an accurate representation of the stages of grieving.
The Shocked Stage
He probably just told you that it was him and not you. You probably had absolutely no words for him when he broke the news to you. After the two hours of shock, you probably thought of a million and five things that you should have said to him but couldn’t think of in the moment.
The 'Emotional Basket Case' Stage
People probably think you’re pregnant because you burst out into tears at the word ice cream. Because you remember that one time that he dropped your ice cream cone and had to buy you a new one. You probably just cry and cry and don’t want to talk to absolutely anyone. This is more than normal, so let those tears out.
The Time To Tell Everyone Stage
That’s right, this one of the crappiest parts of breaking up. You have to tell everyone that you are once again single. You feel like your mom's response is going to be offering to buy you a cat, because that is where your life is heading. It's OK, it's better to just get it off your chest than letting it simmer.
The Anger Stage
The "I want to break everything and anything stage." You may have even gone through with breaking things. Please just don’t break anything that is important because, trust me, you will hate yourself later if you do.
The Returning His Stupid Sweatshirt Stage
Ladies give him his stuff back. The tiny pile of memories in the corner of your room is only making it worse for you. So send that stuff back to him in a Victoria’s Secret bag to show him what he’s missing.
The His New Girl Stage
You haven’t moved on but he definitely has. You see posts of him and his new girl and you actually feel like throwing up your granola bar. Your friends probably inflate you with compliments because they know on the inside you actually are breaking into a million pieces.
Realizing You’re A Badass Stage
You don’t need him. Actually, you don’t need any man for that matter! So invest your time in a hobby, your school work, your job, or your friends. Because remember, the best revenge you can have is being successful.
