1. When underaged students attempt to get into the Glass.
The struggles of being an underclassman at Colgate. Next time you try to get inside, make sure to show the bouncer *just* how tough you are.
2. When you're deeply confused in Intro to Microeconomics or Intro to Brain/Behavior and your professor gives you a response to a question like this.
Before you ask that totally understandable and benign question to your professor during class, maybe you should try setting your brain to "wumbo" first.
3. When you just can't seem to catch the cruiser.
Ah, the timeless struggle of Colgate student vs. Colgate cruiser. Don't show your state of drunkenness in front of the cruiser...they say it can smell fear.
4. When you go to the Coop but can't escape the people selling things at the tables.
Their causes may be right and just, but in that all-too-often situation where we're borderline impoverished college students with next to no money on our 'Gate cards, it becomes painfully difficult to say no to the people tabling.
5. When you just can't shake that feeling at Frank...
For as great as Chartwells' Frank is nowadays, these instances are simply unavoidable.
6. When you don't want to go out for the night and rationalize the decision to yourself.
Never let anybody make you feel bad about staying in for a night -- after all, between penny, chip, and used napkin, you have a whole squad of friends with you at all times!
7. When Spongebob sang the Colgate students' anthem.
Be honest -- before the temperatures drop to subarctic levels, the quad in between classes is nothing more than a sea of beautiful striped sweaters. And that's okay, because as Spongebob so poignantly noted, the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.
8. When you *finally* see Girl Scouts selling cookies on campus.
Just make sure you don't chase the poor girls like this guy did to get a chocolate fix.
9. When your professor asks you what point you were trying to make in your paper
Sometimes nobody but yourself understands the arguments you wrote down in your papers. Alls that means is that your mind is so beautifully complex that your thoughts are unintelligible to innocent onlookers.
10. When you can't contain your awkwardness when speaking to an attractive person at the Jug.
Before you outright declare your love for a complete stranger, have a little more tact. Play it cool and confident-- don't be Patrick Star.
11. When you realize you have responsibilities as a pseudo-adult now, and have to go grocery shopping.
Being an adult is scary. Responsibilities are scarier. Instead of running out of food in your dorm or apartment, take care of yourself and go to Price Chopper once in a while.
12. When your friends give you grief for "eating unhealthily" at Frank.
While all the hip young people eat their "sal-ads," you pile a burger with fries and onion rings onto your plate. But onions and potatoes are plants, so onion rings and french fries are salads, right?
13. When people ask how you plan on spending your weekend.
Slices delivery exists to keep people like you sitting happily in your bed at 1 a.m. on a Monday night.
