I am a very competitive person by nature, but I also hate feeling like I'm losing. Which, I'll be honest, is a feeling I've learned to live with. I always feel like I'm not enough, and I'm sure that's something a lot of people can relate to. I also feel like I should be better than I am, and I'm sure that's also something a lot of people can relate to.
It really drags on me some days.
It feels like life set me up to fail and all I can do is fail like it wants me to.
Honestly, those days have become more recent for me as failures (or perceived failures) and general stresses begin to pile up. I don't want to rant about all the things going on (because honestly that would likely be its own article), but it really weighs me down.
You know what I do with that? When I'm so exhausted just being awake is more than I want to deal with?
I turn it to spite.
The world wants to ruin my day by breaking my ring? Screw you, world, I'll get it fixed and keep on wearing it.
My cat has cancer? Fine, I'll give her the best last years of her life, no matter how many (or few) it ends up being.
I feel like a useless waste of space? Like hell that's going to be how I spend my life—time to get some work done!
It takes a lot of energy, but so does laying in bed feeling horrible about everything. Yes, it's harder to actually get the energy to care enough about becoming spiteful, but in the short-term it can get some work done.
Be spiteful at life.
Not all the time because that isn't healthy, but on your worst days, do things just to spite life. Do the bare minimum just to tell life that you can. No matter what it throws at you, you will not let it keep you down.
No, that won't fix everything.
No, it won't make life suddenly easier to live.
But it will keep you from falling so far into a rut you feel guilty when you finally crawl out of it. When you're finally able to function like a normal person again, you'll be grateful that you were able to get something done while you felt like the living dead.
