As I stare deeply at my empty Word document, I become slightly intimidated by the blankness staring back at me. I then take in a breath and begin to let ideas flow from my mind and onto the document.
" Type, type, type."
My fingers actively hit the keyboard at a rapid pace. Almost more rapid than my brain can think and is able to get out, my fingers fly across the keys.
"Type, type, type."
I stop and look at the paragraph I just produced. Once I see the length of my paragraph, I actually feel accomplished, as if I did something significant.
"Read, read, read."
As I read through, my confidence level lowers due to my little inner critic -- we'll call her Em. Em takes apart every single sentence, breaking it down at its core and saying lines all too often such as:
"This shouldn't be said; it disagrees with what most people believe, so no."
"You've already said that before."
"That makes absolutely no sense!"
Or even the classic statement, "No one would like to read this -- this is trash."
At this point, my confidence is shattered, and I am exhausted from fighting with Em and wrestling with my own thoughts... So I start to believe her.
"Delete, delete, delete."
Back to square one with nothing to show for my efforts.
Me and many other writers and creatives go through this endless cycle of fighting with their own little "Em" every time we decide to pick up the pencil or paintbrush. Every time we open up our laptop, we are flooded with endless creative ideas. However, next thing we know, they are each getting shot down like ducks in hunting season, all thanks to Em.
Here's the thing about Em you probably didn't know about her: she goes after your identity. She makes you question every thought and move you make. So, in turn, you are frozen with fear and unable to react. Em takes away your power, your voice, and leaves you with no responses, which is crippling to both yourself and others around you.
So what can we do to stop our own Em from keeping us from speaking?
We speak anyways. We create through the nay-saying. We press on.
Because if we don't, we deprive the world of knowing our own beautiful self. We deprive others of the opportunity to hear things they wouldn't normally hear. We even could go as far to miss out on an opportunity to show the love of Christ to someone who needs it the most.
My encouragement to those dealing with their own "Em" would be to keep fighting. It isn't easy dealing with Em; I know firsthand about that. But don't let Em silence your testimony of what God has done in you and through you. Let your creativity be used so the world can see who you are, who you represent and who you serve. Because that right there leads to so many incredible opportunities simply by being willing to speak against Em.
